Loving this pregnant body...

I found myself in the most beautiful cherry orchard this week. Trent's uncle is a fruit farmer and they had a little party in the orchard this last week. It was too pretty to not take a few pictures in. I'm now officially 30 weeks pregnant... 3/4 of the way there! We are on the last stretch and it feels so good to be here.

I've been studying my hypnobabies every chance I get, trying to get ready for this little boy's birthday. One thing that they have you do is listen to their positive pregnancy affirmations every single day, trying to reprogram your brain to think good, positive thoughts about pregnancy and your changing body as opposed to all the negative stories and ideas that we hear about pregnancy and birth. Something interesting has been brought to my attention from listening to these affirmations everyday...

 I really, really, hated my body.

I think that most women have issues with their body to some extent. I've always been very conscious about my body. I've tried to take care of my body as well as I could, and still not loved it. I've tried hard to eat healthy things and exercise and have lived most of my adult life within 5 lbs of what I weighed when I graduated high school.

That is until my body failed me.

That is how I have really felt for the past several years. My body, that I have tried hard to take care of, failed me. It couldn't properly develop a placenta and that is why we lost our little boy. And then the greatest of all bodily insults... it developed cancer when I was 25 years old!!! Seriously, body, seriously. Not to mention infertility and the feelings of failure that brings with it. Why couldn't my body just work like other's do?

That is when the really poor self talk started. I was broken, my body was totally broken. I was a broken girl. That is also when I started eating whatever I wanted because I was so miserable I decided that at least I was going to enjoy eating good food.

It's been years now of feeling like a broken girl in a broken body. I don't know why I ever expected my body to be perfect, but I have felt very betrayed by my body and the things that have happened.

So as I started listening to these positive affirmations nightly, it was a hard thing for me to do. Hearing things such as:

My body knows just how to be in perfect health, and is now producing perfect health for me and my baby.

Oy... this one was jarring. Does my body know how to be in perfect health? What if I have cancer lurking in there somewhere again? My body doesn't have a clue.

I have complete confidence that my body is working perfectly.

I could not listen to this one and have it settle well. I don't have complete confidence that my body is working perfectly. I'm a broken girl remember.

My body is healthy and whole.

It took me about 2 weeks of listening to this every night before I decided to humor myself and to start believing it. Why not? Why do I have to be so hard on myself and my body? Why can't I just wrap my arms around this poor body that has been through so much and watch this miracle unfold? Free of judgment, forgiving it for the past, and focus on trying to do whatever I could to love and except my body for what it is right this minute.

I love my pregnant body and accept it everyday.
I enjoy eating well for myself and my baby.
My changing body is radiantly beautiful.
I accept all of the changes that pregnancy brings to me.

These were a little easier to swallow. I really have been in awe that this poor, wounded body can produce a baby. That I am able to grow another human being. That I feel so great right now and it has been humbling and beautiful to watch my body do what it was made and meant to do.

So here I am. I have scars and wounds that are still healing. But I'm choosing to love and accept my body. To believe that it is perfect, and radiant, and beautiful. I now officially weight the most that I have ever weighed, having passed up the weight I was the day I gave birth to Blue. But I don't care.

I feel a confidence coming back to me that has been gone for a long time, and it feels good. It feels good to finally be able to forgive my body for past sins... for not being perfect. And to give it another chance. Forgiveness really is such a healing thing. I didn't realize that I needed to get past this and truly forgive my body until I started listening to these words everyday.

Just as it's been a great blessing to watch this body grow and change with a baby inside, I'm excited to see my body birth a baby, and breast feed again, and I plan on doing whatever I need to take care of it. I'm not broken, my body isn't broken. It's just needed time and a second chance. It's the only one I'm ever going to get and I'm grateful that every night I get to remind myself of this beautiful gift of a body that I have.

Introducing the "I'm going to eat fruit whenever I want" diet...

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So remember when I talked about trying out the 4 hour body diet here. Well... I lasted for 2 1/2 days. Pitiful I know. But it became a moral problem that I had with the diet. You see, it's a strict one, and I tend to not agree with most super strict diets. But on this one... absolutely no fruit! No FRUIT! He makes a statement that our ancestors were not eating Florida oranges when they were struggling through a long cold winter or something like that... so we don't need to either.

So I went my 2 1/2 days without any fruit and I thought a lot about it. I have to say it was almost a spiritual decision that I could no longer be a part of such an act. I almost felt like I was saying...

Dear God,

You know these perfectly portioned incredible things that you placed on the earth for us to enjoy... fruit? How much variety you gave us, each contained in their own perfectly created peel. That ripen and rot quickly as if to persuade me to eat them often. Every color of the rainbow imaginable fruit. Some sweet, some tangy, that crunch in my mouth and spark every taste bud that I have. That keep us full and are packed full of healthy fiber. That give me just enough sweetness that I don't go running for chocolate at 3 PM on the dot every.single.day...

Ya those... well... I'm not going to be eating them anymore, I'm trying to get skinny.

I still love you and your wonderful creations though... promise,
Meg

You see... it just didn't work!!! I felt like I was going against something that I fundamentally believed in with every bit of my soul.

So that was that.

I really do love fruit, I find it completely amazing. Have you ever peeled and orange or a grapefruit and looked at all the little membranes filled with their juicy fluid? Amazing! I made a salad for Christmas dinner last year that had pomegranate in it, and that was the first time I've ever peeled a pomegranate myself before. It was the coolest thing ever!! All those tiny little seeds, plump and full of goodness. Not to mention that they are HEALTHY!

I don't want to live in a world or life without miraculous, amazing, fruit. 

I've spent the last few weeks re-vamping my eating habits and figuring out what I want my "diet" to consist of and I've decided that I want to feed my body good nutritious food that makes me happy. I want to NOURISH my body. Fruit is at the top of the list. Along with beans, vegetables, peppermint tea, honey, fish, chicken, quinoa, nuts, salad, cheese (especially the bleu variety) and... the occasional girl scout cookie {maybe not so nourishing for the body... but for the soul}.

What's my favorite fruit? Right now it's grapefruit. I like to peel it and divide it in half. I take out all the middle goodness and throw all the pulp away. Then I eat one half and put the other half in the fridge for the next day. I love it!

What's your favorite fruit? And what's your favorite fruit to eat to nourish your body?

Getting serious... finally...

I feel like this pig... not wanting to eat my vegetables right now...

I'm starting a diet with my father in law and some of my sister in laws are doing it. It's called the 4 Hour Body in case anyone is interested. I really do have some weight to lose so I'm going to give this a shot and see how it goes. I don't really like diets, but the reason why I'm going ahead and trying this one is because you cut out gluten from your diet. I've heard lots of talk about how cutting gluten from your diet can help women get preggo who are having a hard time. So I figured it was worth a shot, if nothing else to get off gluten for a while to see if it helps me at all. And if I lose weight along with it, that would be wonderful!

Today was day 1. It wasn't so bad. It seems so strange to not eat any bread products. You can have carbs in the form of beans. I love beans so hopefully I can stick to it.

My father in law is super into it. So tonight we weighed in, took measurements, calculated our body fat percentage with his nifty little scale thing. The kicker here... I let my mother in law take before pictures of me. YIKES!!! It was a little brutal. I didn't think that it had gotten that bad until I saw the pictures. Seriously, it was not pretty. The first set of pictures I kept my shirt on but then they (husband and mother in law) talked me into taking them in my sports bra. So yes, it was brutal. My MIL has some good black mail for me that's for sure.

At least I have a pretty face right? That's what I thought when I saw the pictures. So I'm going to put them up on my wall so I can see them everyday to help me stay on track here.

I really just want to feel good about myself again. Something I've noticed since moving to Utah is people are constantly running into other people that they know. It doesn't matter where I am, someone is running into someone. Crap! What if I run into someone and they see me like this? And for the record I have run into two different people that I know and it was a happy reunion and nothing but good feelings and smiles came from that... but still, that thought crosses my mind a lot. I want to feel good about myself whatever the situation and not feel bad about the way that I look now. So here we go! Day 2 is tomorrow...

... and no I will never post my before pictures online so don't ask.

Baby Steps - Habits...

I'm getting close to the one year mark of when I had my last chemo treatment in a few weeks here. I can hardly believe it's been almost a year. It's been a busy year so time has gone by pretty fast. I was thinking the other day about the changes I've tried to make in my life and what habits have stuck and what haven't over the past year.

Good new habits

 - My kitchen looks a lot different. I couldn't eat fresh fruits and veggies that I couldn't peel while on chemo, so now I have a whole lot more healthy stuff kicking around than I did before. My fruit bowl used to be this white one, but we had to upgrade to the wooden bowl, and we fill it and empty it every week between the 3 of us.

 - We've replaced white flour and white rice with whole wheat flour, wild rice and quinoa. We've been incorporating quinoa in a few meals a week and we are all loving it! I do keep a little white flour around to mix in with the wheat in stuff like pizza dough and cookies. Too much wheat makes stuff too heavy sometimes. We've always loved black beans and use a lot of black beans in our meals. But one change is we've started buying them dry instead of canned and we cook up a big batch on Sunday to use throughout the week. I like to cook them with cumin and chili powder, no salt, and they are super tasty.

 - I've stuck to my green drinks in the morning on most mornings. I'm not a real great breakfast eater and it makes me happy to get in a good portion of fruit and veggies first thing in the morning. I make one about 3-4 times a week.

Habits I'm still trying to kick

 - I love sweets. This one is so hard for me. I really do feel like I'm addicted to sugar and need to have it everyday. I'm still trying to figure out a good way to kick this one to the curb but I struggle with it.

 - If I don't plan ahead, then I don't eat very healthy. The days I pack my lunch for work I eat so much better than when I run out the door empty handed, and then I eat the unhealthy stuff that they have around work.

 - Chips... oh gosh. I love chips. And they are a really easy thing to eat at work. I'm trying hard to bring other snacks so that I'm not eating chips.

 - I'm getting more consistant with exercise, but I still have a long way to go. I've been working out about 2-3 times a week. I would really like to get it up to 5-6 times.

Baby Steps- It's not about being skinny...

I'm still here... plugging along. Trying to figure out how to get myself back to what I would like to be. I had a great discovery this last week that I wanted to share. It's pretty simple, but has caused me to think really differently about trying to get back into shape.

The thought is that it's really not about being skinny. It's about being healthy.

Of course I would like to be "skinny", but as I've been trying to loose weight and get in shape I've noticed that when I think about being skinny, I find myself wanting to do things that are not really healthy to get there. I also find myself feeling like by trying to get "skinny" that means that I am not skinny now, that I'm not good enough the way I am now. Which is a really self defeating thought you know. And thoughts like that don't make me want to try really hard, so it's pretty counter productive. When I think about being skinny I think about the way that I look instead of what's really going on inside of my body.

I've found that when I think about being healthy, a whole new world opens up that is a good positive place to be. Suddenly my thoughts turn to if I'm getting enough sleep at night, if I'm using and working my muscles everyday so that they can be stretched and challenged. If I'm eating things that are really going to feed and nourish my body instead of just putting empty calories in there.

Where I work I get to see really sick people all day long. Something that has been surprising to me is that it really doesn't seem to matter what size you are to what health problems a person can encounter. I've seen some really tiny people with a whole host of health problems. High blood pressure and cholesterol, renal failure, missing toes and limbs from diabetes. I think that sometimes we feel like if we can keep our weight in check but still eat whatever we want and not really take care of our bodies that it will be okay... but I don't think that it really works that way in the end.
So I did something this week that I feel pretty good about. I put my scale away. It no longer sits on my bathroom floor, tempting me to step on it to see if I've been successful this week or not (usually not). Instead, I'm really trying hard to think about what I can do to make my body healthy. What things do I need to eat so that I can be healthy... It feels so good to have this refocus, this mini breakthrough for me.

But now I'm curious. What things do you do to be HEALTHY? And what does being healthy mean to you?

Baby Steps - Drink your vegetables!!!

One thing that I've been trying to be better on is getting more fruits and vegetables into my diet everyday. I am much more likely to snack on cheese, bread, chips, than I am to snack on veggies. So I've been trying to find ways to get more green food in my diet.

I've always liked the idea of green smoothies, but the ones I've tried before tasted way too much like spinach to be very enjoyable. I found this simple recipe for a great green smoothie.

Green Smoothie
- 6 oz Pineapple Coconut juice (I use the L&A brand in the glass bottle)
- 1 banana
- two handfuls of spinach
- about 5-6 ice cubes

Blend together the juice and the banana first, then add the spinach. When it's all blended together add in the ice cubes and blend till smooth.

I promise you that this tastes like a banana smoothie. You really can't even taste the spinach. I like the way that spinach tastes, but not really in a smoothie. I love that I get a full fruit and veggie serving in first thing in the morning.

I've been reading up on why it's good to drink veggies instead of eating them. The idea behind it is that when you eat food your body has to make it into a liquid state in order for the nutrients to be absorbed. That's why you chew food and break it down with your teeth and then your stomach acid breaks it down into a liquid form. When you blend your veggies into a liquid form before ingesting them then your body is ready to absorb the nutrients and you cut out the time and energy it takes to break them down. This makes it so that your body can absorb more nutrients than it normally would be able to. Sounds like a good plan to me!

And the best part... this little guy loves it. Especially when I tell him it's dinosaur juice. He drinks it right up!

Have you tried green smoothies? What's your favorite combination?

Baby steps - constant concerted effort...

A friend of mine posted this video on Facebook today and it made me cry! What a touching story. Simple... yet so powerful.

Something that my husband keeps telling me and that I keep telling myself is that losing weight is more just a constant, concerted effort to exercise and eat healthy. There aren't really any magic tricks or pills. Just to keep trekking along and making good choices.

I'm still just trying to keep good habits. I know that I do better every day with my eating if I start the day out right with some exercise and a healthy breakfast. Every single time you eat a meal you make a choice... to do something healthy and good for or body, or to not. I'm happy to say that I am making the healthy choice a lot more often than I make the non healthy choice and it's starting to show.

My progress...

I've now lost 10 lbs. I have about 3 lbs to go to be at my "pre chemo" weight. I'm starting to see it too. I have more energy now than I did before. My clothes are starting to fit a little better. Yesterday I ran 3 miles straight without stopping. It was a slow run, but it was a good one.

I'm planning on running a half marathon in March. I haven't signed up for it yet, I'd like to be able to run 6 miles before actually signing up for the race (that's about half the distance of the race). I do think though that by signing up for this race it will keep me motivated to get out and do my runs every week. Constant concerted effort...

Baby Steps - Sleep...

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Getting good sleep is so important!!! I have had the hardest time going to sleep ever since I became a mom (almost three years ago). I can't even blame it on my kid who has been a great night sleeper ever since he was 5 months old. Nope, it's just me, I have the hardest time falling asleep.

I really think that sleep is essential to being healthy. Your body repairs damaged cells while you are sleeping. I think that it is also easier to eat healthy, and work out when you are well rested.



I've been trying to pay close attention to things I do at night that might be the cause of my not being able to sleep. If I don't get a good nights sleep (at least 7 hours right now) I have a really hard time functioning the next day. It's ridiculous, but important enough that I'm trying to be better at this. I've come up with a few rules that I need to follow in order to get good sleep.

1- If I nap during the day, I have a really hard time falling asleep before midnight. So no naps (this is a hard one because I LOVE naps!)


2- No hot baths at night. This is another hard one because I love hot baths!!! But if my body temperature is too hot then I can't sleep. So no more hot baths.


3- If I am too hot, take a cold shower or go to the pool. For some reason I do sleep better if my body is nice and cool so sometimes a cool shower is in order to get some sleep.


4- My feet have to be comfortable in order to get to sleep. I keep a pair of socks by my bed if my feet are too cold, and a bottle of lotion if my feet are too hot. I don't know why but if my feet aren't comfortable, I can't fall asleep.





Have you found any tricks to getting better sleep? If you do please share!

Baby Steps - Running with Angels...

I haven't worked out in two weeks. I've been on vacation with my wonderful boys and it was so much fun. I ate more hot dogs and hamburgers over the 4th of July week than I care to disclose... but it was nice to just take a breather and spend the week with our families.




When I got back I had a book on hold at the library called Running With Angels by Pamela Hansen. My mom recommended this book to me right after I lost my son. She told me that this lady had lost a baby shortly after birth and then had a still born son later, so she lost two babies! My response to her recommendation was, "Why on earth would I ever want to read that book? So that I can worry that someday I will go through this again? I know what she is going to say, I know how she feels. I'm sure that I feel about the same way too!"



Since then I've had so many people recommend this book to me I finally decided to read it. And I'm glad I did. Why? Well, yes she lost two babies and she has other children with very serious health problems, but the book really isn't about that. The book is about how she overcame her emotional eating and lost 100 lbs and then completed a marathon. How amazing is that?



I read the book in a day and have not been able to stop thinking about it since. I have made new friends who have lost babies, and I have made new friends who have suffered through cancer. I have never met someone who has gone through both in the same year. In some insane way though, reading about this authors trials and struggles finally made me feel like someone out there might understand the way that I feel. She gave some specific examples about losing her babies that we're almost exactly what I experienced. Things that when she said them I had to close the book and say, "Do I really want to read this, and relive this?" Yes, because I want to know how she got through this! The stress of having a loved one going through a major health condition. The many many doctors appointments, the tests, the waiting for answers, the not knowing how things were going to turn out. Even though for her it was experiencing this with a child and for me it is myself going through it, I think that the same feelings of helplessness, worry, concern for your family and how all this is affecting your family are very much the same.



She talked about feeling like a failure for gaining 100 lbs. Not being anything close to the woman that her husband married so long ago. Feeling like she doesn't have time to care for herself anymore because she had to focus on her family. This book just hit me in a way that I don't think anything else could have. I haven't gained 100 lbs, but I am about 35lbs more than when I got married and have been bald for most of the year so I too feel like I am a very different girl than the one my husband married and I feel bad about that.



She always had a dream of running a marathon, and she lost 100 lbs over 18 months and then did it! How amazing is that. What I love about this is that she lost the weight by walking and joining Weight Watchers. There was no magic pill, no fad diet, just lots and lots of hard work. Lots of determination, self acceptance, will power, sticking to her plan even though her will power was gone. She talked about the feelings that are associated with being over weight and hating herself for letting herself get to this point.



This was a really inspirational book for me to read because it focused so much on the emotional side of things instead of just, "eat this, do this, and you will lose weight". I know how to lose weight, I've done it before. What I'm struggling with is knowing how to handle all of these emotions that I'm feeling and figuring out how to not let them control my life. This book has given me a lot to think about and has given me a lot of hope that someday things will be better, and I will feel better about myself and my life!



And maybe even run in a race again someday...

Baby Steps - The Wagon...

I have temporarily fallen off the wagon.... geez.

I had a rough little while there emotionally and it threw me completely off my diet. As in, my husband knew I was feeling blue and bought me a lemon delight cake from Costco and I spent the whole weekend eating a whole cake... that kind of falling off the wagon.

I still believe in my eat sweets on the weekend stuff, but I don't think that eating a WHOLE ENTIRE CAKE is what I had in mind.

I've had a hard time getting back on track ever since. Emotional eating is a rough rough rough thing. You know, that's what got me into this mess (this gained 25 lbs mess) in the first place. And something that I'm finding super difficult is that the emotions are still all there. The hard times are still there, I'm just trying to not eat my way through them which I'm having a hard time with.

I thought that it was a great time to start trying to lose weight because I was not on chemo anymore so health wise it was a good time to start. But all the emotions of losing a baby and having cancer are still there, and I have a hard time coping with it all when I go through one of my moods. I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with my emotions without including food in the mix. It's rough sometimes...

So I haven't gained any weight from my escapades, but I haven't lost any either. I think that I will keep one foot in the wagon and one out of it over the holiday weekend, and then get back on track... because I'm not giving up yet!

Baby Steps- The No S Diet...

So maybe we should talk a little bit about diet...





I hate diets. Really, I do. Why? I don't think that most of them are very realistic. I have never been a fan of diets that make you eat cabbage soup (gross) for weeks on end, or that make you completely cut out major food groups. Or that have you only eating 500 calories a day. I've had a lot of people tell me over the last few months that I really should go on a completely raw fruits and vegetable diet since I've had cancer. Really? I just don't think that is the healthiest way to go.





I've been pondering diets a lot lately since I'm trying to lose weight here. I knew that I needed to overhaul my diet since I've mainly been eating anything under the sun that I wanted and I also was not able to eat raw fruits and veggies while I was on chemo. I thought that by adding in salads and fresh fruit again would do the trick and the weight would just start falling off... but that didn't happen.

I also didn't want to go on some crazy diet because I really want my body to be healthy. My poor body... has been through great torture the last little while. Being on chemo affected every single system in my body. Having poison run through my veins for six months has left my body extremely depleted and I want my body to heal. I don't feel comfortable putting my body through more torture right now, I want to give it the food that it needs to heal.





While I was roaming the Internet one day I found this little diet trick, that I'm loving. So here it goes. It's called the No S Diet...

No Snacks

No Sweets

No Seconds

Except for on days that start with an S.

There you go friends. I have to say that I love this. I love it because this is where my problem really stems from. I love sweets. I really could eat them all day everyday and sometimes have. I'm always snacking on stuff all day long. I almost always grab seconds at dinner, just cause it's there and the food is good. I like that I'm not cutting out complete food groups like carbs or protein, just sweets... because that's really not a food group that one needs all the time now is it.

It took me a few weeks to really get the hang of this. It was really hard for me to go without sweets for five whole days!!! After about two weeks though I was good. I no longer crave sweets all day long. It's also been kind of nice to plan out a nice dessert for Sunday nights that I can totally indulge in, and I have the whole week to look forward to it. I like that I am starting to feel like I have control over what I eat, not that food has control over me. I like that it's just a quick little saying that I can repeat in my head when I'm tempted to cheat a little. And I also like that the weight is starting to come off... and that is a good good thing.

I don't want to go on a diet that is going to make me lose weight, but then be impossible to maintain in my life after that. This is something that I can stick to because it still gives me freedom to eat something other than celery sticks, but reins me in where I need to be reigned in.

So I've been eating four times a day... breakfast, lunch, afternoon snack, and dinner. While I eat what I want to I've been eating pretty healthy. Oatmeal with wheat germ and flax seed for breakfast, salad with black beans for lunch, string cheese and fruit for a snack, and a healthy dinner with protein, carbs, and veggies. If I decide to stray a little, I don't freak out about it, I just make sure my next meal is a healthier one.

So there you have it... what little diet tricks have you found that have helped you out?

***** My Progress*****

Well, I've now lost 7 lbs. I moved up one notch on my belt today, so that's exciting stuff. I have not missed a workout yet, still just doing three times a week. I haven't been running outside though because these 100+ days are killing me. So I've been doing Jillian Michael's 30 day shred workout dvd instead. I'm moving up to level 2 tomorrow... go me!

Baby Steps - Write it down...

I think that something magical happens when you write something down. It goes from being just a thought in your mind, an idea, a wish, to being something that you can actually see. In a sense it becomes... real.

I find that with my goals, and especially my fitness goals, I do so much better when I have it written down on paper. Here are a few ideas of things that you can write down to help you on your way.

- Keep a food journal. Studies show that those who keep a food journal lose twice as much weight compared to those who don't. It's really easy to ignore a bite or a cookie here and there if you are not writing things down. If you find you are having a hard time with your diet write it all down! It then becomes very real what you are putting into your body.

- One thing I've been doing this week is writing down my workouts on a calendar. You can find some June printable calendars over at Sherbet Blossom and Marta Writes. Before the week even begins write down what you are going to do and on what days. Then the plan is set, it's not just, "Oh I would like to work out a few days a week....." It is more concrete. Then once you do the workout that you have written down, circle it, star it, whatever you want to do to show that you followed through with your plan.

- Write down what you did in your workout. How long did you run and how far? What strength training exercises did you do? How many push ups can you do? Writing down what you did during a workout can help you by being able to see what you did, and pushing yourself to do a little more the next time.

- If you are working on losing weight, keep track of your weight loss on a piece of paper. I know that healthy weight loss is losing 1-2 lbs a week. I have a much easier time keeping focused on my goal if I can think of losing two lbs instead of 25. So I have a paper on the back of my bathroom door that I fill in every Monday. It says "current weight" on one side and "goal" on the other. I put the goal as 2 lbs less than my current weight. Then all week when I am tempted to skip a workout or eat more than I should I think, "Okay, I want to lose these two lbs. Is this going to help me get there?" Then on Monday I weigh in to see how I did.

- Keep track of your measurements. The number on the scale is not always the most accurate way to keep track of how you are doing. Your weight can fluctuate greatly depending on what time of the month it is, if you ate a lot of salt the night before and are holding onto water, etc. I have a little notebook that I keep and all that goes in it is my measurements. I do chest, waist, above the hip (or mom pooch area), hip, thigh, and arm. I love being able to see exactly where the weight is coming off of. This notebook I have had for years, and it's interesting to go back and see what my measurements were before I became a mom, or what I was at when I lost the baby weight. It gives me a realistic goal of what is "normal" for me and what is not.

I feel like I've just totally divulged how crazy I am and all my little compulsive things that I do when I'm trying to lose weight, but I hope that some of these things can help other people out. It has worked for me in the past for sure.

I encourage you to make these thoughts and ideas in your head a reality and put it to paper, whatever it is. What are some things that you like to keep track of on paper?

***** My progress*****

I actually did pretty well this week. I did do my three workouts for 20-30 minutes each. Wednesday was hard. I didn't wake up early enough to go run by myself so I had to take my boy in the stroller and do it. I would rather not run that way, but it actually turned out to be my best workout of the week. I jogged for 15 minutes without stopping!!! That is such a huge accomplishment for me. Two weeks after I finished chemo I could only run for 1 minute. Now two months after chemo it's 15 minutes. I'm liking this kind of progress!!

I've also been doing some things with my diet that I'm not ready to talk about yet because I want to give it a few weeks to see if it's really working. I'm really excited about it though, I'm not eliminating any major food groups or anything (unless you count sugar as a food group...).

I had one little set back this week. Memorial Day!!!! We were bored and wanted to do something fun and my husband talked me into going to a buffet. Talk about crashing on the first day!!! I went, I ate more than I should have, but I didn't go all nutso and so I'm still in check for the week. My husband says that you are not suppose to diet on any holiday. I agree with that to some degree (like Thanksgiving and Christmas), but MEMORIAL DAY... please ;).

I've lost 4 lbs since I started trying a month ago... which is a little discouraging to me, but I'm not giving up any time soon.

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Baby Steps - Start where you are...

Just pretend like this is my before shot... photo from here.

I haven't talked a lot about having cancer on this blog here (trust me though, I've talked plenty about it everywhere else in my life). I mentioned it a time or two but I really tried to keep this blog free from my crazy life for two reasons...





1- This was my happy place. This is where I would share cute things I liked or things I had made and it was nice and fresh, not clouded with the reality of my life at the time.


2- I did something that was a little insane. I decided to try and start selling my family trees a month after I started chemotherapy. This was something that I'm so glad I did, because it gave me something fun to focus on other than being sick. It was something I could do even though I was sick. There were times I worried that I wouldn't be able to fill the orders if it was a rough week, but I always managed to do so, and it was a huge blessing in my life. I didn't want to talk about having cancer on this blog because I didn't want people to buy trees from me because they felt sorry for me. I wanted them to buy trees because they loved the trees!!! So that's another main reason why I didn't want to talk about it over here.





Now that the crazy part is over and I'm onto the recovery part, I feel like that deserves a spot in my "happy place". It's so nice to be back on my feet and doing the things that I love and enjoy again!!!





Before I lost my baby and found out I had cancer, I was quite the exercise/nutrition enthusiast. My degree is in Exercise Science and I have big dreams of getting a Masters degree in Nutrition someday. I used to write a little ditty on my family blog every Friday called "Fitness Friday" where I would post exercise and nutrition tips. I want to continue to do that now, but with a little different slant.





I feel like my "credentials" (like I really even had any) have been totally sunk in a lake. I've spent the last year of my life sitting on the couch or in bed, eating to my hearts content. So I think that I'm going to resume my fitness talk every Friday over here called "Baby Steps". I'm really excited about documenting my road back to good health in this way. I think that it will encourage me to keep doing what I need to do to be healthy again.





So here we are!!! I wanted to write a little bit today about starting where you are. The past few weeks that I've been feeling better I've been trying to exercise more and get my energy back. It's been hard. It's hard to think that three years ago I ran an 8 mile race, and today I can't even jog for more than five minutes. I found that I tried to jump right back into running three days a week and weight training like I used to, but I just can't do it. Not only can I not do that, I can't even exercise two days in a row.... it just puts me right back on the couch with a bag of chocolate chips because I just don't have the energy to do that right now. (Do you keep a bag of chocolate chips in your freezer to munch on everyday too? I guess we will talk about that later).





The thought for this week then is to start where you are! Maybe you used to be a jock in high school or swam on the swim team. Maybe it's been a few years since you even laced up a pair of running shoes. That's okay! You start where you are now!





Here is where I am now. I am 26 years old. I haven't consistently exercised in over a year. I have a two year old boy so I have to be creative with how I find time to get my exercise done anyway. I have gained 25 lbs in the last year. I am two months out of chemo and am just starting to get my energy back from that. I also have not told myself no to any sweets or junk food in this last year (might have something to do with the 25 lb weight gain don't you think)? This is where I am right now. This is my starting ground.





I think that it's important to recognize and embrace where you are right now. This way you can make realistic goals for yourself instead of being too hard on yourself right off the bat. As I am writing this out I realize how ridiculous it is that I even assumed I would be able to jump right back into exercise. So instead I am going to take a deep breath, and set some goals I can actually accomplish instead of feeling like a failure.





My goal for the next few weeks is to walk for 20 minutes/ 3 times a week. If I feel like jogging a little and walking a little, that's great. But that is my starting ground. No weight training, no pressure to do more than this. Just get started.





What are your "realistic" goals for the next week? Where are you starting from?





And a little food for thought:

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

- Confucius