Baby G's birth story - Part 2

Read Part 1 here.

2:00 PM: After my doctor broke my water my wonderful doula showed up. I feel very blessed to have met Rachelle. We wanted to hire a doula when we decided to really go for this natural birth thing, but I didn't have a clue how to find a doula that I felt comfortable with being there when I gave birth. Rachelle moved into my ward several months ago and was just getting certified to be a doula. I'm so glad that she agreed to be there for my birth. We've become very dear friends in the last few months and I was so glad that she was there! Part of me wanted to have a doula that knew my story, who knew that the last time I had a baby he died... who knew that I was in remission for cancer and that we've waited a long time for this baby. I just wasn't sure how I would be emotionally at the birth and I wanted someone there (besides Trent) who knew what this meant for me.

When Rachelle showed up, Trent left to go find some food before the party began. That's when I lost it. I couldn't help the tears from flowing. I was so upset, frustrated, mad... There I was sitting on the bed, waiting the impending contractions to start, and Rachelle grabbed some nail polish out of my purse and some oils and gave me a great foot rub and painted my toenails. She made me talk it out. She made me talk about what it was that was bothering me so much. There were quite a few little things that were bothering me, but the big thing that I was so upset about was that I really wish that my body could do something "normal" for once. Not to always be having complications. I just wanted to have a normal, natural birth. There is just always something going on with me it seems... and I get tired of it. I really did not want to be induced, yet here we were having an induction. Rachelle reminded me that yes my body was having a hard time and there were complications, but that I was about to do something amazing! In spite of the complications I was going to get to let my body do what it was born to do... birth a baby. I was going to have my baby the way I wanted to, and I was going to rock it! That's exactly what I needed to hear... and with pretty red toenails and a new outlook on the events ahead of me, we started labor.

And I did indeed rock it (or at least that's what I'm telling myself)...

Contractions came on and off, but around 4:00 PM they started getting regular. We tried different positions to labor in but the one that was most comfortable with was sitting on the side of the bed. I wanted to keep my body upright so that I could have gravity do it's thing and hopefully not have too long of a labor. We turned the lights off, played some soft soothing music in the back ground, and my labor team (Trent and Rachelle) and I did the whole thing together.

 

Resting between contractions...

Here is basically how it went... Whenever I would have a contraction I would put my arms around Trent's neck (who was sitting on a stool in front of me) and I would just try to melt into him. I was feeling most of the pressure/pain of the contractions in my lower back and stomach, so Rachelle in her doula wisdom took a bed sheet and wrapped it around my stomach and tied a knot in the back. Then with every contraction she would use her body weight and pull on the sheet to give me counter pressure in the front and she would use her other hand and push on my lower back to give me counter pressure there as well. It was amazing! That was my epidural right there... and it worked surprisingly well. Rachelle would also touch my shoulders if she could tell they were tense and it would remind me to relax. She would talk to me, remind me of my "special place" that I would go to in my head like the hypnobabies would have me do. I don't know if it was just because I knew that an epidural wasn't an option, or if it was because I never really felt like I needed it... but it honestly never crossed my mind during labor to even want an epidural. Sure it was intense, and there was pain, and darn it I was not able to wrap my mind around how to put myself under hypnosis while I was having a contraction so I could have a pain free labor, but it was totally manageable. I never cried, or screamed, or felt like I was out of control. Was it the worst pain I've ever felt in my life (as most people tell you natural childbirth is)??? Not by a long shot! I've been in much worse pain before. The beauty of how childbirth is designed is that you get a break between contractions. Yes they were intense, but only for a short time and then I could take a break and talk, drink some water, suck on ice chips, gear up before the next one started.

Being that I was having a VBAC they wanted to be monitoring the baby's heart rate at all times. But since I was not laboring in bed in a good position for them to do this externally, they had to put an electrode monitor on his head. I also had an IV for penicillin since I was strep B positive. And the worst "hook up" that I had was the horrible magnesium sulfate. I've heard horror stories about this drug before... and they were all true! I guess people with HELLP syndrome can go into seizures they give all patients with HELLP magnesium sulfate to prevent that. This is also a drug that they use on women who are in preterm labor to stop their contractions. So what they did was wait to give me the mag sulfate until I was in active labor, in hopes that it would not cause my labor to slow down. So while I was in the thick of labor, having contractions every 2 minutes, they hooked me up to this awful drug. I didn't want it, but they basically told me that if I didn't take it I would be going against medical advice... which opens a whole new can of worms. So I consented, and they started this awful drug in my IV. It made me get super hot and have really blurry vision. So the rest of the time I was in labor I did so with my eyes closed, and Trent and Rachelle were great about putting wet washcloths on my forehead and neck to try and ease some of the discomfort. Thankfully it did not stop my labor.

I labored on the side of the bed for a long while and then Rachelle wanted me to change positions. I ended up still staying upright and laboring on a birthing ball by the side of the bed. I had no clue where I was at with my dilation and I didn't know how fast things were progressing, just that the contractions were getting really strong and closer together. After being there for a while my contractions changed and started feeling even more intense. This was where I felt like I couldn't do this forever... and my contractions started to change. I started to feel like I needed to push at the end of the contraction. So we called in the nurse to have her check me. She told me that I was dilated to an 8 and to call her back when that pushy feeling didn't go away between contractions. It was literally about 2 contractions later that the pushy feeling didn't go away.

7:10ish PM: Then all the excitement started to happen. My doctor came into the room and had me hop up on the bed (not sure how well I "hopped" but I got up there somehow) and she checked me. I was complete and ready to push. The room started filling with people, nurses, the team for the baby. My doctor started to say something about there being variables and I needed to get the baby out quick. I had no clue what variables meant, I guess the baby's heart rate was starting to drop during contractions. That could mean a lot of different things, like the cord is compressed as the baby goes into the birth canal... but it also can mean that there is a uterine rupture. So my doctor needed me to get him out as soon as I could. I tried pushing one time laying on the bed and it was the most uncomfortable way to push imaginable. So they took off the end of the bed and put a squat bar on there so that I could keep working with gravity and squat on the end of the bed during contractions and push.

Oh my... I did not like the pushing stage. I felt like I had no clue how to effectively push the baby out. Each push felt like I was getting nowhere and that the baby was not budging. Between each one my doctor would say, "Come on Meg, you have to get this baby out on the next push." So I would push my hardest... and nothing. This was the first time I really felt doubt that I could do this, "He's not coming out... I don't know how to push him out!" I said. Then all my cheerleaders would cheer me on and tell me how great I was doing and that he was almost out. It felt like forever, but I guess I was only pushing for 15-20 minutes. At 7:37 PM (just 3 1/2 hours after real labor started) with one final push as hard as I could muster.... I felt a pop and his head was out. I kept pushing between the contraction and his shoulders came out and out slid his little body. I laid back on the bed and they put him right on my chest for me to see.

My darling boy was here! I did it! I couldn't believe it! And my next thought was how on earth do people push out regular sized babies? I don't know if I could do that! I was really glad that he was so little ;).

Trent cut the cord and my doctor delivered the placenta. I wanted to see it so with my blurred vision I looked at it the best I could.

Even though he was born 4 weeks early he was perfectly fine! He never had any problems breathing or had to go to the NICU. He was 5 lbs 13 oz, so he's just a little guy. But he has done great!! Such a blessing!

I had a few superficial tears that my doctor stitched up. I laid there with my baby and waited for that amazing, euphoric feeling to sweep over me that you are supposed to experience with natural childbirth, but it didn't happen. Instead I looked at my doctor and said, "I don't feel very good right now."

I'm including this picture above not only so you can see the stats on my little guy, but so you can see pale, pale me in the background. I was losing blood very fast. After you have a baby your uterus is supposed to contract back down to a smaller size, but mine did not. Finally that dumb magnesium sulfate had taken it's toll, and my uterus quit working. It just stopped. Instead of contracting back down it just kept filling up with blood. And this was the most painful part of the whole delivery, having my doctor stick her whole arm up there and pull out massively large blood clots. Oh my, that hurt so bad! The first time I said "ouch" was now. I wasn't handling that very well. So my doctor looked at me and said, "Is it okay if we take you into the OR and put you under anesthesia so that I can do this?" YES!!! That was okay with me. I couldn't handle the pain of her working up there without any pain killers on board. So I passed my sweet boy over to his daddy, and they wheeled me off into the operating room.

I'm not totally sure what happened in the OR, but I know that they had to turn off the magnesium sulfate so that my uterus would start working again. I also know that I had lost so much blood that they had to transfuse two full units of blood into my body. I've never had a transfusion before, but I'm so grateful that people donate blood. It was a scary ending to an amazing birth experience, but I'm so glad that I was with my doctor, in the hospital, to birth this baby.

And this is when they officially told me that I had HELLP syndrome, and I had no clue what that meant! Not sure why they didn't tell me before that point, but I'm just grateful that they did what needed to be done to help me and my little guy. It wasn't until I googled it on my phone the next day that I realized how scary and serious that was.

I realize that this is the worst picture probably ever of me. I was so puffy and swollen, I'm assuming from the mag sulfate... but it's an important one so I'm sharing it anyway. Here is my amazing birthing team, just after I was brought into recovery from the OR. Rachelle and Trent, I could not have done it without them!

 

We stayed in the hospital for two days. I had to stay on the magnesium sulfate for 24 hours after they re-started it. That was pretty awful. I couldn't get up to walk to the restroom by myself. I couldn't even lift my legs to get out of bed. I could barely stay conscious when visitors came by and everything was blurry anyway. I was really glad when they were able to take me off that drug.

 

 I left the hospital very anemic. Normal hemoglobin (red blood cell) levels for women should be above 13.5. I left the hospital with mine at 7.5... so extremely low. I should have probably gotten another blood transfusion but I declined it, mostly because I didn't want to be in the hospital for another day. So recovery from this has been a lot harder than I was expecting. I'm taking iron and eating all the red meat and spinach shakes I can handle, but I haven't felt well since I had the baby. I feel like I'm just now starting to feel a little more "normal" as far as energy levels go.

 

So there it is, Baby G's birth story in a nutshell. We are so glad that he is here and that even though there were complications that we are both okay. I wish that it wasn't so hard for me to have babies... but I now have these beautiful boys that I love so much and am so happy I get to be their mom!

Baby G's birth story - Part 1

So much of what happened with Baby G's birth happened before the actual labor started, so I'm going to do Part 1 which is what happened before he was born, and Part 2 the actual birth. And turns out it's pretty lengthy... sorry about that! I've made the major points large if you want to just skim through... this is mostly for my own record.

I've already written about a lot of what happened in the few weeks before he was born. I wrote here about how at 33 weeks I woke up two nights in a row with contractions. The second night they were every 3 minutes and it really scared me, enough to get me down to the hospital and to have the betamethasone shots that mature the baby's lungs. I had my husband give me a priesthood blessing when we got home and he said some very comforting things in that blessing. Afterwards he said that he didn't say this in the blessing because he wasn't sure if it was just what he was thinking in his head or if he was prompted to say it, but that he really thought that the baby would be coming early. What was strange was after that incident, I didn't have any other problems with contractions. I was taking it easy, but I felt silly because the problem seemed to disappear. I was sure that it was just a fluke and that the baby would probably be overdue after all those dramatics.

But I couldn't put the nagging feeling aside that even though I felt fine now, that the baby would be coming early. I even started having some strange experiences where I felt like there was a presence around me all the time, just standing behind my left shoulder. I tried to explain this to my friends at playgroup but I'm sure I just sounded like I had lost my mind and I was a crazy person. I told them that I felt like something was going to happen because I could feel people hanging around me. Yes, I realize that sounds nutty. It was almost like they were helping me get ready, reminding me of things I needed to get done. Nagging me so to speak. I told Trent one night that I thought that maybe I was going to die, and these people were here because they were going to take me to the other side. I've never had an experience like that where it lasted so long and I could feel a presence around me so strong. So I started getting things together around my house. I got out all the baby clothes and put them away. I charged my camera battery and cleared a bunch of pictures off my camera. I took the picture in front of the shed that I'd been wanting to take for months. I got things in order.

Then there was the drama of my doctor feeling like I would not have a fair trial of labor at the hospital that she worked at and wanted me to switch hospitals and doctors at the last minute. Talk about stress. She and I were both trying to find a doctor that would take me on at that point. The only place I was able to find that would even give me an appointment was a group of midwives that delivered at the other hospital. So I made an appointment with them for Wednesday, July 31st. I was really sad about this, I really love my doctor and I trusted her. But if she felt this was best, I was going to do it. It also really affirmed to me that I was 100% wanting to have a natural VBAC, I was no longer on the fence about this. And I wanted that more than to stick with my doctor and chance delivering at her hospital.

Then Wednesday, July 31st when I was 35 weeks and 5 days pregnant... I woke up and had been bleeding a lot. Crap. What is going on now? (That morning I really felt like I needed to get up and get my hospital bag packed, but I didn't listen. I really wish I would have!) I've bled on and off for this whole pregnancy but nothing since about 22 weeks pregnant. And nothing like what I woke up to that morning. I debated on what I should do... I had an appointment that afternoon with the midwife group, but I felt funny about going to that and saying, by the way I'm bleeding a lot. So I called my doctor on her cell phone and said, "Look, I know that you want me to switch hospitals, but I'm having this problem and I really feel like I should get checked out." She agreed and had me come right up to her office. She examined me and didn't feel good about the amount I was bleeding. She wanted me to have an ultrasound done by the perinatologist to see if they could find a source of the bleeding. So she sent me over to labor and delivery to be monitored and have some labs drawn until they could get me in for an ultrasound. Also, when I came in for the appointment my blood pressure was high. It had not been high for my whole pregnancy, so that was a little concerning as well.

Turns out they were too busy, and they couldn't see me that day. But they wouldn't let me go home and come back the next day for the appointment, they wanted me to stay over night so I could be monitored and then go to the appointment the next day. I was pretty frustrated at this. I did not want to pay a hospital bill for an overnight stay when I wasn't even having the baby! But I stayed, and had the most uncomfortable night ever sleeping in one of the labor and delivery beds. Oh it was horrible. At some point during the night they told me that my labs had come back abnormal. My platelet count was really low. The normal low range was 150 and mine was 86. So for some reason my blood wasn't doing so great.

The next morning we had my ultrasound appointment and they couldn't find a source for the bleeding. They just had to assume it was because I had a placental abruption somewhere. But with my high blood pressure, and low platelet count they felt like it would probably be best for me to have the baby soon. He also gave me clearance to have a VBAC, which was really important because now I was at the hospital that was implementing these crazy rules for VBAC's and probably wouldn't give me a fair trial at labor. But having clearance from him gave me a foot in the door to be able to do it. I think at this point they suspected that I had HELLP syndrome, but they didn't tell me that at all.

After my doctor talked to the perinatologist about what he thought she came into my room and we talked about inducing my labor that day. I was really nervous about being induced... we've all heard that having Pitocin to induce when you are going natural is an awful thing, so I was worried about that. They also don't like to give Pitocin when you've had a prior C-section because it can increase your risk of a uterine rupture. So we decided the best option was to have her break my water. One thing that made this a great choice was that my body was already progressing. She checked me and I was now dilated to a 4 and 80% effaced, so we weren't starting from square one.

There was one little catch here that came up when we were talking about induction. That was that since my platelet count was so low (it had dropped to 70 at this point) they would not allow me to have a C-section due to too much blood loss. Not only that, they would not let me have an epidural due to the possibility of bleeding into my spine. WHAT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!! I say that because I was shocked that the tables had turned to being completely what I wanted! My doctor wanted me to have an epidural placed in case I couldn't handle the natural labor, just as an option. So she had the anesthesiologist come into the room and they discussed in front of me this dilemma that was at hand. He said absolutely no way would he place an epidural. The risk was too great. She wanted to see if they could give me a platelet transfusion so that I could have the option, which is something they had never done before... the answer was no.

I laid on the bed watching the two of them go back and forth, trying to figure out a way that I could get an epidural, and I felt the most comforting calm come over me. I had been prepared for this. For years I have felt like I needed to prepare for a natural delivery. I always thought it was so I could have a successful VBAC... but really I felt so strongly at that moment that Heavenly Father knew all along that I would face this one day, and I needed to be prepared. I can't even imagine being told that I had no other option than a natural delivery if I had been planning on an epidural or a repeat C-section. Seriously... I would have freaked out! But instead I felt totally calm, I knew that I could do this. I had been preparing for months and months for a natural delivery and now was the time. I was going to do it!

As fate would have it, my in laws were on their way up to Bear Lake for our family reunion and stopped by the hospital so that my husband and father in law could give me a priesthood blessing before labor started. It was a beautiful blessing, and as soon as it was over my doctor came in to break my water. It was go time.

Coming soon in Part 2 - Labor and what happened afterwards...