Weekend getaway...

My cute husband had a whole 24 hours off of work this weekend and we decided to be a spontaneous and go on a little weekend getaway. Poor husband has been working so much lately, and poor wife and son have been missing him, so we packed an overnight bag and headed east of here. We literally only had about 24 hours before we needed to be back so it was a quick trip. We went to Flaming Gorge with three things in mind that we hoped to see on our trip.

 

1- Fall leaves changing color.

2- Kokanee Salmon spawning in the river.

3- Big horned sheep (I've always wanted to see one of those!) 

 

I tried to sneak a fourth one in there which was to see real dinosaur bones in Vernal, but we got there just at closing time and had a very disappointed little boy (why does everything close so early in Utah? It wasn't even 5 pm yet!). So we will have to go back there sometime when we have more time to do it.

 

However, our disappointment in missing out on the dinosaurs was soon forgotten when we pulled into Ashley National Forest. We saw wild turkeys, deer, raccoons, more deer... and the thick trees were breathtaking!

 

We pulled off the road to explore the trees a bit and then headed into Manila which is surely the smallest town I've ever slept in before.

We found one little diner that was open and had our dinner. We then ordered a banana split for this little guy who had never had one before.

It was a hit to say the least... even though it didn't have sprinkles (the boy really wanted sprinkles).

We found our hotel thankfully by the bright yellow sign blaring in the trees... otherwise we may have missed it all together!

We were one of two people staying at the hotel that night. I guess mid September for Flaming Gorge isn't a very popular time to be there. Even with it being Kokanee Salmon Day!?!? Are we the only people in the world who would drive hundreds of miles to see salmon spawning in the river? Yep... we pretty much were. At least for the first ten minutes, then a few other cars trickled in (phew... I was starting to feel a little silly being the only ones there).

And here they are in all their red glory...

 
We stood on a bridge and watched the salmon spawn in the river bed. Here is what I gathered from listening to the DNR guy who knows a whole lot about salmon. These salmon are land locked salmon who live in Flaming Gorge. When they are about 3-4 years old they start to swim upstream and their bodies change from a greenish gray to this vibrant red color. They find a place in the river where there are lots of rocks and gravel and there they hover for a few weeks and get fertilized and lay their eggs (both male and female fish are involved in this process... obviously... don't know why I felt the need to point that out). Once the eggs are laid the fish die... and thus the circle of life for the salmon goes on. New salmon are born and flow downstream and live in the lake for the next 3-4 years until they swim upstream and do it all over again.

This little monkey was awfully friendly up there on the bridge. Two older men pulled up and got out and he said, "Hey guys, there are three fish on this side! Come on over and see!" And sure enough they followed my four year old to the other side of the bridge to see the three fish. My own little fish is growing up... and surprising me every day with his ingrained traits and habits. I love how outgoing and polite he is.

So there you have it. We went to see fish "spawn" aka make fish babies and then die in the river... moving right along.

I still wish I could wake up every morning, look out the window and see beautiful trees like this. And look at that blue sky! I was in heaven.

And we did manage to see many beautiful colors of trees up there. Yellow, orange, red... they were so lovely.

We did not, however, see any big horned sheep. We drove around for a long time hoping to spot them but we were unsuccessful. I guess they are all making their way back down from the high Uintah's to the gorge right now and will all be back in November for their "rutting" season. However, I don't really want to be around for that one, so I think I will pass. I'm fine going on trips to see the beauties of nature, I do not want to base all of our trips on animal mating season though... aren't you glad you read my blog today?

After that our time was almost up and we headed back home via Wyoming. We pulled off in Evanston for some lunch but the variety of fast food did not look good to any of us, so we held off until we got to Morgan and went to Taggart's.

Trust me. It is worth the drive to Morgan from wherever you live (in Utah... or Wyoming) to eat at Taggart's. That place is so yummy!!!! Just to tempt you here is my lemon poppy seed cheese cake.

The boy loved his extra large frosted cookie as well.

There you have it! Our quick yet eventful weekend getaway. Is it just me, or would you go on a trip with your hubby because he wants to see fish... oh never mind! I don't want to say the "s" word again! I hope you have a lovely Monday!

Heal me...

A few days ago we took an emergency trip up the canyon. By emergency I mean... emergency. I was loosing it. I needed to breath, I needed to get away for a minute. I needed to escape reality and do something that makes me feel alive. So my wise and well seasoned (in my craziness) husband who was driving the car headed for my favorite canyon so that our little family could walk in the trees for a while.

It's been a rough two weeks over in our neck of the woods. I've been debating whether or not to share this on my blog... I still don't know if I should or not, because this is so personal. But those of you who know me best know that I am an open book... and mostly because so many of you know that we've been trying to have another baby and also know that we've started getting some help with that and have been asking me how it's going.

Two weeks ago I found out I was pregnant with an ectopic pregnancy. I was completely shocked.
 I had a normal period two weeks before. Completely normal. So normal that I took my clomid prescription to the pharmacy and started my first dose of fertility meds. Never even beginning to suspect that I was already pregnant. Two weeks later after some funny stuff happening (I wont go into detail there) a blood test confirmed that I was pregnant. About 5-6 weeks pregnant at that.

Excuse me? Really? How on earth...

It's been a long two weeks of blood tests, four ultrasounds, etc etc to try and figure out what's going on here. Thankfully (did I really just say that?) the pregnancy miscarried itself. I don't need surgery, or even a shot of chemotherapy to terminate the pregnancy (yes, that is really how they terminate ectopic pregnancies most of the time... you can imagine how I feel about that). It just did it on it's own. Blessing? I've been having my blood tested a few times a week to be sure that my HCG count keeps going down. I have to keep doing this until it reaches 0. Today it's 26... so hopefully this part will be over soon.

On top of having the ectopic pregnancy I've had some bad consequences from taking Clomid. I had a rare reaction to the clomid called Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome. I currently have three cysts on my right ovary that are doubling in size every week. Just to put this in perspective, a normal healthy ovary is about 3 cm to 5 cm. Between the three cysts I have about 16-18 cm worth of cysts on my ovary, the largest one as of Tuesday was 8 cm. We are just keeping an eye on these via ultrasound. I'm suppose to be taking it easy (but not too easy, not bed rest... but I probably shouldn't be hiking either... whoops) until these start to clear up, but there is no sign of that happening any time soon.

So ectopic pregnancy. Check. Ovary the size of a large grapefruit and still growing. Check. Depressing outlook on future possible pregnancies. Check.

I was also officially diagnosed with PCOS, which is probably why I've been having a hard time getting pregnant in the first place and why I ended up with the hyperstimulation problem. But because of my reaction to clomid I can no longer take that fertility drug ever again. I'm also not a candidate for any injectable fertility drugs, or IVF to try and get pregnant. Usually they see hyperstimulation syndrome with people who have been taking injectable drugs with IVF. It's super rare to have this happen with oral clomid (lucky me). So for me to take anything stronger would have very bad consequences to my poor ovaries.

In the end, I'm ticked off. I'm mad. I'm sad. I'm frustrated. I'm mostly mad. I wish this wouldn't have happened at all. I really didn't want to have an ectopic pregnancy on my already messed up fertility record. That's a big strike against future fertility. And learning that I can not do future fertility treatments is a big bummer for a girl who has a hard time getting pregnant.

I keep thinking that my boy needs to have some siblings. My husband who comes from a large family and loves kids needs to be able to have more kids. These thoughts really put a lot of pressure on me to make this happen for my family. But I can't make this happen, I can't make myself have a baby. But maybe we don't need to have lots of kids to have a happy, wonderful family life. Maybe what we really need is a happy and healthy mom/wife on board.

Our hike was so healing for me. My poor attitude turned completely around and I ended up having a lovely and wonderful day with these two boys. We can weather any storm together. But I need to get my head on straight here and dive deep into practicing some serious self love for this body that seems to struggle so much sometimes.

So that is the new game plan. Get Meg's body healthy through lots and lots of self love so that I can heal. Not to try and "get pregnant," cause that went so well after all. To me self love means eating healthy, getting sleep, destressing my life as much as possible, laughing with my boys, surrounding myself with good positive people who help me feel good about myself, and spending lots and lots of time with the trees... cause that's been proven to be the best drug around for me. (Any other suggestions on how I can spoil myself right now in self love would be appreciated).

I really don't know why I'm putting all this out there. But here it is. Please don't feel bad for me. You can feel bad for my ovary if you want because geez that thing is not happy right now. I guess I just wanted people in my life to know what was going on. I can't feel sorry for myself for too long because, well.... see for yourself.

 With this charming little boy to keep me running all day long I have a hard time not counting my blessings at some point in the day. I am truly, truly blessed to have these boys and am thankful that they put up with all my little shenanigans.

What not to say to a chubby girl...

It finally happened... every woman's worst nightmare (maybe that's a bit too dramatic?). We were buying some things at The Home Depot today, me, my hubs and the boy. When the cashier says to my son, "Oh.... you're going to be a big brother aren't you?"

Excuse me? Seriously?!?! WHO SAYS STUFF LIKE THAT! Really, isn't it a universal rule that you NEVER verbalize someone being pregnant unless they are actively giving birth or something? At least if they are a good 8 months pregnant and wearing a shirt that says "No I didn't swallow a watermelon" or something of that nature?

The hubs and I looked at each other and just smiled... completely ignoring her. Then she said it again.

"You are going to be such a good big brother, aren't you excited?"

Oh man, you are KILLING ME lady! My husband broke the silence and said, "Maybe someday..."

I've never had that happen to me before. Never. I'm kicking myself now that I didn't come back with, "Nope, I'm just fat." Because then maybe she would have learned this universal rule that you never assume a woman is pregnant... but probably not. Probably not. The second we got out of the store my husband and I both busted up laughing... that did not just happen!

{Sigh}

Yes, I'm carrying some extra weight on me, but I didn't think that I looked pregnant! However, I feel a lot better about what happened today based on the fact that:

A -  I woke up at the crack of dawn and went on a run (day 2 of getting back into it).
B -  I did eat oatmeal for breakfast.
C - I wish there was a C but I can't think of one right now.

Maybe if I remember this for a few days I wont give up on my running again.