Birthday's and check up's...

We had a few big things happen around here last week. The first was that this little cutie turned SIX!!!

 

He is growing up so fast (I know we all say that don't we?). He is settling into his new role as big brother and has become way less overbearing/smothering of his new little brother and has become quite the big helper around here. I always knew he would be a great big brother, and he most certainly is. I thought the adjustment to no long being an only child would be fine because he is so much older... but I was wrong. Turns out when you've been the only child for almost 6 years and suddenly lots of attention goes to this new little baby, it's pretty tough. But he is adjusting as we all are and doing so well. I just need to be sure to give him his own individual time and attention everyday when I can. We had fun with his birthday, and I think it came at the perfect time. He was ready for the day to just be about him ;). We are sure grateful to have this boy in our family!

The next big thing that happened is that I had my 3 1/2 year cancer appointment. These things always sneak up on me, and I really hate doing the check up's twice a year. I'm just so glad that life has moved on and that I am no longer living in "that place" anymore. It's hard to get checked with that little thought in my mind that everything could change so fast... and go from pretty great to pretty crappy. I had a chest x-ray done, which I was supposed to do in April but did not due to Baby G cooking inside. Thankfully that came back totally normal. My doctor said that my blood looked amazing, especially considering I'd just had a baby two months before. And especially with the blood problems I had having that baby. Even though my body has been through some tough stuff, it really has bounced back fast from all it's gone through. For that I am super grateful...

With all this on my mind, my baby boy turning six, my cancer check up, and this new little guy who is bringing so much joy and happiness into my life... it was an intense week. In the middle of it all I got a message in my e-mail from a dear friend of mine who left a comment on my old blog. The one that I poured my little heart out on while going through those tough times. Her comment read:

I just want to tell that Meg that I love her and give her a big hug. "Hang in there, it's hard, but I know what happens later!". That boy is so sweet.

I went back and read the post that she had written this on and my oh my... it brought back so many emotions. I remember that place so well, that dark, sad, fragile place that I was in. I'm grateful for the hard times because they have made the good times in my life so much sweeter. Anyway, I wanted to share the post on here... and I am grateful to know what happens later too! I wish I could have told that Meg exactly what four years later would hold. This was written November 2009...

Not too long ago I had a little mini breakdown... Lucky for me it came right when it was time for Blue to take a nap. So I put Blue in his crib (oh how I miss that...) and shut the door... and let it all out. Blue heard me crying and after a few minutes I hear...

"Meg... you sad. Meg... you sad? Meg..."

How could I ignore that? So I broke my cardinal rule and went into his room. He was standing at the side of the crib looking very concerned. I'm not sure why but for some reason I decided to try and explain what was going on with me to him.

Me - "Blue, mommy is sad. Mom just wants to have a baby... I don't want to have cancer."
Blue - Confused look for a minute... "A baby? A baby? BABY!"
Me- "Why on earth am I trying to explain this to a two year old?!?! Go to bed."

Ya, the conversation was an interesting one wasn't it. It's been an experience in itself to have this little boy who is the center of my world have no clue what is really going on here. He is who I spend 95% of my waking hours with and he is just too young to even begin to understand any of this. I think that it's a real blessing honestly. He doesn't let me sit around in a pity party for too long. He wants to play and have fun and have a fun mom to do those things with. He knows that he gets to go and play with his friends every once in a while and mom disappears... but what's so bad about that? He knows that mom doesn't have any hair but he just thinks it's "funny". He knows that mom likes to sleep a lot, and when dad is home mom is usually "sleeping". He likes to sneak into my room and crawl under the covers and pretend to sleep with me for about two seconds before he decides that it's a lot funner to jump on mom instead.

I'm so grateful to have this little boy. I'm reminded every time I look into his sweet little face what it is I'm really fighting for. Even when I'm feeling awful and I just want to lay in bed until March, he doesn't let me. He needs me to take care of him and I'm so grateful that I have him to take care of... someone to take my mind off of everything that is going on. He makes me smile every day. Hopefully, he wont remember any of this and the day will come when I will just tell him how much he saved me during this crappy time. I'm so grateful for this little boy.

I am so grateful for this boy!!!!! He is still my sunshine on the darkest day. The time is getting closer when I can sit down with him and try to explain just how much he saved me during that time. I think he still needs to be a little older before we have this talk though. I've just started telling him about my having cancer and what that was like, because he doesn't remember at all and doesn't really understand what cancer is still.

Thank you, dear friend, for the reminder... of just how lucky I am and how sweet life really is.