Mother's Day...

I try to get a picture of me and my boy every year on Mother's Day. We were on our own yesterday though so I ended up trying to snap some pictures of us. The one above is the best one I got... the boy was not cooperating very well.

Here's what he does when I say "smile!"

Evil child smile...

Not sure why his hands are in his mouth...

 Husband made me breakfast in bed before he left for work. We went to church. Then we bummed around and watched movies and ate peanut butter cookie dough with chocolate chips. It was kind of a rough Mother's Day. I'm so thankful to be a mother, I love this little guy so much, but I think that so many of us women out there have a little sting associated with Mother's Day. I have a hard time with Clayton's birthday being so close to Mother's Day (it's within two days this year). I decided to go to the cemetery, something I have not done since we moved back up here. I think that next year on Mother's Day I wont do that, it was just too hard. It was hard in lots of ways, one being that my boy is four and asking lots and lots of questions. I tried to explain to him who his brother is, why he died, showed him pictures. It was just very emotionally taxing for me. Then the wonder if this little boy I have will be my only real shot at motherhood in this life. I want to embrace that and be the best mom that I can be to him, but it's hard. I try not to "want what I don't have" but on Mother's Day, I do.

While at the cemetery I noticed that several of my in laws had been there to pay tribute to their mother who has passed away. Another sting of Mother's Day, mom's who are gone, and no longer with their kids. It made me hug my boy tighter and be grateful that I am here, I still get to be his mom. I get to enjoy his laughter and wipe his dirty fingers and face everyday. I am a lucky, lucky mom!! So lots different emotions to deal with on Mother's Day for me this year. I think that women just feel emotions so deeply and personally, it makes "special" days like this a little more delicate. At the end of the day this is what I determined made my Mother's Day a great day:

 - I get to be mom to the most handsome little 4 year old!
 - I got to visit with my own mom and spend some time with her. I'm lucky and thankful to have my mom around and to have a good relationship with her.
 - I thought about all the different women who have been mother's to me. So many of them that I am in no way related to, but they have filled this mother roll for me in different times of my life. Women can mother regardless of who they have given birth to. One of these women is a nurse named Sally that I worked with in Las Vegas. She was my ER mom and I made sure to send her a card for mother's day this year to show my love and appreciation for her.

I hope that you all had a wonderful Mother's Day this year and can feel content and happy in whatever mothering capacity you hold in your life right now.