So in honor of Blood Cancer Awareness Month, I thought that I would paint my toenails this aw(ful)some shade of green. Just as pink is the official color for Breast Cancer, green is the "official" color for Lymphoma. Did you know that Lymphoma is considered a blood cancer along with Leukemia and Myeloma? It is. These are all cancers that affect your immune system and are connected to the source of life that runs through all of our bodies... our blood.
September is the month that I was diagnosed with lymphoma. September is also my birthday month (a few more days to go)... and I get to have more birthday's because of the research that has been done to treat lymphoma.
I also finally got my hands on a copy of Lance Armstrong's book, It's Not About The Bike, and read it last week. I really appreciate all he has done in the name of cancer and the foundation that he established. They have raised MILLIONS of dollars for cancer research.
The part of his book that helped me the most is when he talked about survivorship. Living through something like cancer is a feat in itself, but life that follows something like cancer can be hard. I know for me I have a lot of guilt sometimes that I made it. Why did I make it while others don't make it? Sometime I feel like I should be doing something big and wonderful with my life because I made it. But other times I feel like I shouldn't have to do anything, isn't it enough that I'm just alive? It's a difficult field of emotions to handle at times. Lots of depression, lots of frustration with a body that has been through a lot and isn't bouncing back as fast as I want it to. Lots of frustration with myself emotionally that I'm not bouncing back as fast I want to.... and lots and lots of gratitude.
Did you know that after going through cancer Lance got back on his bike and started racing again, and he quit. In the middle of a race back in France he got off his bike and he quit. He went back home and told his manager that he was done, that he was retiring. His manager stalled him and convinced him to ride one last race in the United States before he officially retired. He started playing golf everyday and eating at his favorite Mexican restaurant and just did whatever he wanted to do because it should just be enough that he made it through that... and he was alive. It wasn't until 18 months after he finished chemo that he decided that it was time for him to pull himself up and see what he could do again. It made me feel better to read that. He didn't roll out of the hospital bed and go win the Tour de France. It was a long process of recovery, both physically and emotionally before he was ready to prove to himself and the world that he could do it.
He also talked in this book about the duties that lay upon those of us who survive cancer. That we need to help the work move forward. This is why he decided to start his foundation, to raise money for cancer research. I've also been thinking about what I could do to give back. I have a few ideas, and I'm hoping to make those ideas a reality someday soon. I'm grateful for all that has been done so that I could have a shot at continuing my life.
Happy September everyone!
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