Thoughts on childbirth...

 

I remember driving to the hospital to have my first baby. The thought went through my head, "Ok... now how is this baby going to come out?" I hadn't taken any childbirth classes or really "prepared" in anyway to birth a child. I figured that I would go into the hospital with the baby in my body and leave with it in the car seat and I guess I was about to find out how it all went down while I was in there. And I did find out how it all went down, and yes the baby did come out... but not the way that I expected or thought would happen.

To make a long story short (aren't birth stories always terribly long...) I was induced, got an epidural when I was 4 centimeters, baby showed signs of distress so I had to wear oxygen, became fully dilated, pushed for 2 hours, laid on the bed for another 2 hours while the nurse tried to find a doctor to come evaluate me (mine was nowhere to be found...), had a C-section.

I was mad. I cried through the whole surgery. The first day of my sons life turned from being about welcoming him into the world to being about me. I had just had this massive surgery. I was in pain. I was traumatized by the whole experience. I've always felt bad that it became about me and not about him. I've always felt cheated from the whole experience because of how it went down.

This experience wasn't too long ago, only 5 1/2 years ago... but so much has changed since then. I was told then that because I'd had a C-section that I would always have to have a C-section. As a woman I mourned the possibility of having a vaginal birth like women are suppose to have.

Then something miraculous came from my next birth. I had mentioned to my doctor that I wanted a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) and he said, "Well, we will see how things go... let's not get ahead of ourselves." I think that he knew that my chances of losing the baby were great and we might not get to that point. He wasn't there the night I gave birth to Clayton. My water broke, I went into labor naturally a few hours later. I got an epidural because I saw no point in feeling physical pain when I was already in such emotional pain. The doctor on call came in and said, "Since you've had a C-section you're going to have to have another one. I'm going to go prep for surgery." Really? This baby is going to be so tiny! And you want to do a C-section! When he left the room a tiny miracle happened for me that day. I gave birth to my little one pound baby vaginally with just myself and my husband in the room. I didn't even realize what was happening at the time. I didn't push or anything, he sort of just birthed himself. I felt then and feel today like this was his little gift to me. I gave him a body... he gave me my VBAC.

I've spent a lot of time over the years thinking about this whole situation. It's only been in the last 3 years that the Board of Obstetrics has changed their stance on the whole C-section thing now stating that: attempting a vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC) is a safe and appropriate choice for most women who have had a prior cesarean delivery, including for some women who have had two previous cesareans.

I could now possibly attempt another VBAC (I've never been really sure if a 1 lb baby truly counted...) hopefully without too much hassle. Another tiny miracle/blessing in my life occurred when my husband went to nursing school. He went to The College of Southern Nevada for his nursing degree, which is a smaller school. I think that because he was at a smaller school, he had some advantages that one might not have at a larger university. One of these is that his labor and delivery instructor was a certified nurse/midwife and former doula. I realize that unless your husband is a doctor or a nurse, they have probably only witnessed you give birth to a baby. However, because of his schooling and labor and delivery unit... my husband has seen many women give birth. He has witnessed all sorts of births. Epidurals, C-sections, natural births, inmate births where the woman is handcuffed to the bed... yep, he's seen a lot. Something that his instructor taught his class is that when a woman gives birth, the baby will have an easier time making their way down the birth canal if the mom is able to be walking, moving, squatting, or in other words ACTIVE in the birth. If a woman is just lying on her back the whole time then she may have a harder time getting the baby out. But the only way for the mom to be active and moving during a birth is if she doesn't have an epidural.

Excuse me?!? Was my first response! Ya right, if I'm the one having the baby I will do it however I want! Except for the fact that I have tried that before... and ended up with a C-section. So the thought of natural birth has been on my mind for a few years now, with my husbands gentle prodding. I'm sure that if things had gone well with my first birthing experience then I would have no reason to think differently or change my opinion on having a baby. However, I am like 1/3 of women who end up having a C-section, which is way too high a number.

My goals for the birth of this baby that is growing inside of me are:

First, to avoid a C-section at all cost. I realize that there are certain situations that do require a C-section and that it is a great blessing that the option is available. I don't think that 30% of babies born fall into that category though. I also believe that I certainly didn't when I had my first son, but that is what happened. I recently learned that my great grandmother was pregnant with a little girl who weighed over 12 lbs at birth. She was too big to be born vaginally and they had to break the baby's shoulders to get her out of the mom, and the baby died from the trauma. What an awful situation, that if it had happened today could have been avoided by a C-section.  Yes, there are reasons for a C-section, and if it comes to that I will do it. But not without trying every other avenue possible.

Second, to have a good birthing experience. I realize this is totally subjective. More than anything, I just want to be pro-active about the whole situation and try to take some responsibility for how this birth is going to happen. I don't want to walk into the hospital again saying, "Well, I guess we'll see how this birthing thing happens." I want to walk in there calm, prepared, ready to actively birth my baby in the healthiest, least traumatic way possible for me and for the baby. And I really do believe that this can happen, but I need to be prepared and to do whatever I can to help make this happen.

So the last month and a half have been interesting. As time gets closer to having this baby I've been making more decisions that move me closer to a natural birth. The first big one was that I fired my OB and found a different one at 22 weeks pregnant. He said, "Sure you can try a VBAC!" But I didn't really believe him. He has a very high C-section rate. Also, I brought up the idea of a natural delivery to him and my reasons why I thought it would help me avoid a C-section (the whole being able to move around and help the baby come down the birth canal...) and he completely dismissed this whole idea. He said that women have better deliveries when they have epidurals because they aren't fighting the pain the whole time and can relax... but it's my delivery and I can do what I want. There was the most awkward silence for the rest of the appointment, I knew that I couldn't continue to have him as my doctor if he wasn't on board with me. So within a week I found an OB who is AMAZING!!! She is a member of ICAN (International Cesarean Awareness Network) and has a high rate for performing successful VBACS. She is very holistic in her birthing approach and is so thorough with her patients, it's refreshing! She spent 45 minutes with us at our first appointment and went over my first sons birth and told me exactly what she would have done differently to avoid a C-section. She also went though my sisters and mothers birthing history to see if I would be a good candidate for a VBAC. I am so glad that I found her and feel like this is the best provider I could have for the birth of this boy. She has me back on my diet to try and not gain too much weight during this pregnancy so hopefully the baby wont be so big this time around. I'm so glad that I found her and feel a lot better about heading into this with her as my doctor.

There are other things I'm doing to try and prepare for this. I just ordered my Hypnobabies Home Study Course and will start learning that next week. Two of my cousins have done multiple natural births using this method and swear by it. I'm hopeful that it will work and that I will be able to practice it enough that I can use it effectively. I'm also looking into hiring a doula to come and help me with the birth. I will be birthing at a hospital, I'm not ready to go the whole midwife/homebirth route... especially with my history. But I think that with having my nurse husband who is 100% supportive of me and a doula and my awesome OB that I will be able to do this successfully.

I'm not usually one to go outside of the norm in things like this... but I've learned that people change. Opinions change. Usually going through something that wasn't very pleasant causes us to change and to seek something that will be a better fit for us. People do this all the time with religion, relationships, hairstyles, eating habits... child birth philosophies. It's okay to change! I've also learned that those who are the least supportive of my ideas on wanting to birth this way are people who have never even attempted a natural birth... go figure. They have no experience with it but a whole lot of negative opinions. I'm lucky to have a good handful of friends who have birthed this way and are completely supportive and encouraging of me! That has been so nice to pull from their examples and their strength.

And bless dear Ina May... her book is what really set me on the course to really do this. I love this quote by her and believe that women are made to birth their babies. Fingers are crossed that everything goes well... I guess we will see!