The hotel room...

About 1 1/2 years ago I had a dream... This dream came just after I had my one year post chemo appointment with my oncologist. I had one question on my mind that I had been scared to ask for a while... when would I be able to try and have more babies? My husband and son were in the room with me when I asked him this question that had been burning in my mind. He took a look at my boy and said, "He needs siblings doesn't he? Your scan was clean, there is no need to wait anymore."

We were elated and planned to start with my next cycle. Before that happened is when I had a dream that left a big impression on me. 

I was in what I thought was a hotel room. It was a place that I didn't recognize, and it was small. There was a living area with a couch and a bedroom behind it. On the opposite side of the rooms there was a small kitchen and a bathroom. In this dream I walked though the living area and past the kitchen into the bathroom. There was a small mirrored cabinet above the sink that I opened and pulled out a pregnancy test. The test was positive. As soon as I registered what this meant I heard a loud, booming voice say, "Everything is going to be alright." The voice was so loud that I woke up startled. 5 AM.

I'm going to find out I'm pregnant when I'm in a hotel room, I thought... and for some reason, I need to know that everything is going to be okay. Why would I need to know right off the bat that everything was going to be okay? What was going to happen?

Month after month went by. No positive tests, and no hotel rooms. We had a family camp out and my sister in law had stayed in a hotel with her twin boys. I stopped by there on my way out to take a shower before driving home. But it wasn't the right time of the month, and the layout was all wrong. This was not my hotel room.

Then we moved back to Utah. I thought we might get a hotel room on our way back to Utah but we ended up doing the whole drive in one day. No hotel.

One weekend about 10 months after this dream... Trent's grandma told us that she had reserved a condo down in St. George that was not going to be occupied for a week. We decided to go down with Trent's sister and her kids for a little getaway. I knew this was finally going to be it! I was 5 days late for my period. I was never on time... but 5 days late was a lot. It was a time-share condo that was sure to have a living area and a small kitchen. I truly believed that this was going to be "the hotel" that I had seen in my dream. I was eager the whole drive to see what awaited me when we got there.

We walked in the door... living area, kitchen, bedroom, bathroom. This was going to be it! I just knew it! That is until 10 minutes after we got there, "it" happened. I was devastated. So disappointed.This perfect hotel room was not my hotel.

I started to second guess this dream. Was it really a premonition as to what was to come? Or was it just a stupid dream? A dream that meant nothing. I started to really hate this dream. It haunted me. I thought about writing down every little last detail that I could remember and light the paper on fire. Watch it burn to ashes and disappear so that it would go away. But I couldn't. It was the only thing that I had that led me to believe that someday I would find out I was going to have a baby. Even if it did turn out to be a stupid dream that meant nothing, it was all I had to hold onto at times.

One year after I had the dream we moved, into a tiny little pioneer house. One day I walked through the living room, past the kitchen and into the bathroom to get something out of the old medicine cabinet. Then it hit me, like deja vu. This was the hotel room. This is what I had seen in my dream. I hadn't recognized it before, and it was such a small area I was sure that it was a hotel. But it was this house. This told me a few things. One, that we were right where we needed to be at this time in our lives... and two, that I would find out I was pregnant while living in this house.

The day was December 24th. I woke up early to get ready to meet two of my best friends from high school for our traditional Christmas Eve breakfast. The boys were both asleep. I was 3 days late after one month of trying a new to me fertility medication, among other things to try and get pregnant. Surely it was way too soon to test for pregnancy, but I had a spare test tucked away... why not? I took the test and then put it up in the medicine cabinet in case one of the boys woke up and came into the bathroom and saw it. I was too nervous to look at it, so I went into my room to finish getting dressed. Then I walked through the living room, past the kitchen, into the bathroom... and opened the medicine cabinet.

There it was. The faintest little pink line. It had worked! I was pregnant. The best Christmas present I could have ever dreamed of.

There was no loud, booming voice... telling me that everything was going to be okay. But I didn't need the voice, I already knew that this too was part of the message. The dream had really become a reality, and I felt peace believing that whatever was going to happen in the next few months... everything was going to be okay.

But what was it? What was going to happen that I needed to know for the last 1 1/2 years, that everything was going to be okay?

It was only a week and a half of pregnancy bliss until I started to understand what this message meant...