Two years...

Today marks two years since my last chemo treatment... a day to be celebrated for sure. I wanted to take my picture again like I did during that first year after chemo, but my dining room table has been in storage for the past 4 1/2 months and I'm far away from my cute little condo in Las Vegas. So I borrowed my sister in law's table and wall, which are very similar to mine (you have good taste Nicole). I actually flipped the pictures on the computer so that the hallway would be on the right side like it was in my condo. Tricky tricky. I'm grateful to have these pictures to look back on and remember how far I've come in the last two years. I'm starting to look like me again. My hair is almost as long as it was before I lost it. I'm getting better at running and starting to get the muscle tone back that I lost.


This past year of being in remission for lymphoma has been interesting. I had a pet scan done last April which was good and clean, but my health insurance decided not to cover it because they said it wasn't "medically necessary". I was told by my doctor that I needed to have a scan done every year for five years to be sure that it didn't come back. So I spent a good part of last year appealing this denied claim from my health insurance company. In October I received news that they decided to cover the scan, which we were super grateful for (pet scans run about $4500 without insurance). And here we are again... April is here and it's scan time again. I've found a new oncologist and will be getting another scan later this month. Fingers crossed {as always} that it will be clean. If it's clean at this two year mark chances are super slim that it will ever come back.


Something I've been thinking about a lot lately is how so many people are starting to turn against westernized medication. The trend is turning towards natural remedies, homeopathics, etc. While I too like these forms of healing and medical treatment and use them fairly regularly, I also am so grateful for the advances we have in this day with medications. Chemotherapy saved my life. It was brutal, it took me to a low I didn't think was possible... but it worked, and it was worth it. Every morning when my little boy climbs into bed for "family cuddles" I'm reminded that it was worth it. Every time I get to spend time with my family or spend time out in nature I'm reminded that it was worth it. Every time I lay down on the floor after a hard workout and feel my heart pounding inside of my chest (right next to where my cancer used to live) I'm reminded that it was worth it, my heart can still pound inside my chest because of it.

It didn't come without a price, but I still get to be here with my family because I chose to fill my body with toxic chemicals that killed my cancer. It was worth it.

There definitely have been lasting side affects from such a treatment. Before I had my first of 12 treatments my nurse sat me down and went over all the possible side affects for ONE HOUR!!! It was so daunting, not knowing what shape I would be in when all was said and done. But the understanding was that these side affects were a small price to pay to be able to live the rest of my life with my husband and son. Now that I'm two years out, here are the side affects that I've noticed have actually stuck...

Circulation problems: I have Raynaud's phenomenon in my hands and feet since chemo. One drug I was given called bleomycin seems to be the cause of this. It wasn't a very big problem down in Vegas because it doesn't get too cold there, but here in Utah it's a whole different story. I've learned that I can not let my hands and feet get cold. Period. When they get even a little bit cold the blood stops flowing to them and it's super painful. They also seem to get cold way more often than they did before. I wear socks at all times unless I'm in the shower. I no longer can step on cold tile floors. I put gloves on before I open the door to go outside. Another strange part of this is when I've let my hand or feet get cold, when they warm up they itch like crazy. I had a few weeks this winter where I was sure that my cancer had come back because my hand and feet would not stop itching (unexplained itching is also a sign of Hodgkin's lymphoma). Thankfully though, once I learned to not let my extremities get cold the itching stopped. I'm planning on making some of these for next winter and having plenty of warm clothing to get me through the cold months.

Taste: I was told that my taste buds might change. That food would taste different during and after chemo. The biggest change that I've noticed here is that I didn't like spicy food before and now I love it! Hot sauce has become a staple in my house. Another thing I noticed is that I no longer like to eat french fries or especially curly fries. Mostly because they taste like chemo to me... no thank you.

Fertility:this article a while back which lists which chemo drugs can play a factor in female fertility and two of the drugs I was given are on the intermediate risk section (adriamycin and bleomycin). I have hope though, I do. But this is a sore spot for me, so we will leave it at this. I'm planning on having some good answers on this one by the end of this year... hopefully my answer comes in the form of a baby ;).

Lung capacity: This one has gotten better as time has gone on, but I have a hard time singing and running because I don't feel like I can breath or take big breaths. Normal breathing is fine, but times where my lung strength is tested it does not do as well as it did before chemo.

Metabolism and Fatigue: I still struggle with being tired all the time. I get great sleep every night but wake up tired and am tired all day. I also can not seem to loose the weight that I gained during chemo and have put on even more. If I'm not actively trying to lose weight then I'm gaining it (and I don't lose it when I'm trying to either, I just stay the same). So frustrating. I'm going to have my doctor check my thyroid to see if something has happened with that from chemo, but these are things that have been very frustrating for me. A girl likes to feel her best you know... and I'm not quite there yet.

Even with all of the above going on in my life now, it was worth it. I'm so grateful to be here, I know that it's a privilege and one that I try to not take for granted. I'm grateful for second chances. I'm grateful for modern medicine. I'm grateful that I had the opportunity to be a mom before this event occurred in my life. I'm grateful for life!!!