Las Vegas...

 I've been aching to go on a road trip back down to Las Vegas for a long time now. A couple of things have happened this last month that sort of spurred a sudden road trip! One was we have a new niece along the way we wanted to meet. Also, we left our adopted 85 year old Jewish grandma Malka there when we left and we told her we would come down for a visit sometime. Trent has lost two of his grandparents in the last four months and I felt like we needed to jump on the opportunity to see her while she is still around! We also wanted to introduce our new baby to the friends that were so amazingly supportive to us while we struggled so much down there. So we decided on a Tuesday to head down on Friday! It was such a great trip! I only wish we would have had more time to see more people down there.

I've missed driving this long drive down the center of Utah. Utah really is such a beautiful place.

First stop were to play with cousins! These three followed Blue everywhere he went and loved playing with him.

Our new little niece/cousin. Blue said, "Mom I hope we get a sweet little baby like this someday..." Ummm... we did, like two months ago ;). He just loves babies!

We found out that Baby G really hates road trips and wanted to be out of his seat!!! He was super cute when we would get him out, and screamed the rest of the way there ;).

 

We only had about 24 hours in Las Vegas, so it was a really quick trip! We meet up with Malka and took her out to dinner at our favorite buffet (The Seasons at The Silverton). As we drove through our old condo complex we told Blue that this was where we lived. He didn't remember it at all! We've only been gone for two years and he was four when we moved so I thought for sure he would remember it. Nope, there was very little he actually remembered. I'm glad that he remembered the people, it's okay that he couldn't remember our old condo.

If anyone would like to adopt a wonderful grandma in Las Vegas I have one for you. She is so sweet, and we miss her a lot.

This lady moved in behind us right before I started chemo. She would bring me fruit and veggies from Trader Joe's every single week while I was sick so that I could stay "as healthy as possible". We spent all of the holiday's that we stayed in Vegas for with her. She is not an orthodox Jew (hence going to an un-kosher buffet on a Saturday night), but she is from Israel and speaks Hebrew. She is one of the kindest people I have ever met.

We didn't do what normal people who go to Vegas do ;). Our first stop was to the place my husband missed the most... Cardenas Grocery Store. He walked the aisles and was sad that we don't have this Mexican grocery store in Utah.

We went to our favorite pizza place, Manhattan Pizza, where you get a huge slice of cheese pizza for $2.79! Sadly... the pizza was not nearly as good as we remembered it being.

We reunited with some of Blue's old playmates. He really misses these boys... and I don't blame him! He hasn't yet found great friends like this up in Utah, so it was fun to play with them for a while.

 One of my favorite parts of the trip was to see some of my best friends hold my little baby and giving them huge, long overdue hugs. There are a few women who were such a huge part of my life when things were so hard. They were there for the whole thing... and they are who stood by me through the thick and the thin of it. They have seen me at my worst and pulled me up to higher ground, and I owe a lot to these ladies. There are others I could have had this moment with, but the two that I did were Crystal and Heidi. By far one of the best moments of my life was seeing them hold my little miracle boy. Thank you ladies, for being my friends and taking care of us! This was a full circle moment in my life... love you both!

 And it is no secret that I love to look at old pictures from when I was sick/bald and recreate them. I don't know why I like to do it, other than it reminds me that life goes on, and things get better. My friend Crystal had this little girl the same week that I finished chemo. When I went to meet her she had a head full of hair and I was so jealous!! Crystal requested that we take another one now... which was super fun! We now both have long hair... but I'm the only one with a natural bump-it (come on... it's totally obvious that my head is mis-shaped. Thankfully it just gives me volume now).

 

I'm so glad we were able to get away for a few days to go and do this. I miss Las Vegas a lot... mostly the good people that we met there. It really lifted my spirits to see so many wonderful people in my life. Thank you everyone for having a fun weekend with us!

Pumpkins...

About five years ago I saw some cute fabric pumpkins that had real stems on the top, and sort of fell in love with them. So I asked my family members if they would pick pumpkins to decorate that had nice long stems and save the stems for me. They were troopers and saved their old stems... and then life happened and I tucked them away in a bag and haven't even used them all this time.

For craft night with my sister in law's we made this awesome faux mercury glass pumpkin (the silver one below) and I wanted to put together a little pumpkin trio. I had the wooden/ stick one already and decided that it was time to make the fabric pumpkins!

I used this super easy tutorial for them, and hot glued the stem on. Oh man... is it possible to fall in love with a pumpkin? I'm so happy with how it turned out!

I pulled out all the pumpkin-y fabric that I had in my stash and made a few more. I like them best lined up on the window seal from biggest to smallest...

I had some other close up pictures but blogger isn't letting me upload them, so maybe some other time. But they turned out so fun! I have six stems left, and all of these have some sort of polka dot on them (guess I really like polka dots?), so I'm going to get some velvet and other textures for the rest of them. I'm glad that I've held onto these all this time... they were worth the wait.

Three months...

This little boy has changed so much in the last three months! He was so tiny when he was born, but now he is just a regular rollie pollie baby!

He is finally starting to get to be a happier baby! He is smiling and cooing every chance he gets. Middle of the night feedings are actually pretty fun because he starting smiling at me as soon as he sees me. It's actually hard to put him back down to bed because he is just soooo sweet and cute (I never thought I would say that!).

He loves the swing, and I usually nap him in there during the day because he will actually sleep... I'm hoping that I'm not creating too bad of a habit with that. But in our tiny house that is always loud, I feel like I just have to do what is working for me at the time. He also loves laying on his back and that is when he is the most talkative.

We are all falling so in love with him. I find myself smiling so much, which is sadly a little surprising to all of us. Blue keeps saying, "Mom, why are you smiling?", like it is so out of the ordinary. Maybe it is... this baby is healing my heart in a big way and I'm so grateful for him.

Not that this is a real surprise, but we have another big, blue eyed boy around here!!

He's doing pretty good with sleeping. He's started to go 7-9 hours at night with one feeding around 5 AM. That is until daylight savings... and now we are all messed up! I don't know if it's daylight savings really or something else, but he's suddenly back to waking up 3 times at night for the past few nights. I hope that it's just a fluke and my good sleeper will come back!

Halloween...

Yes, I know it was already a week ago! But I wanted to share my cute boys in their Halloween costumes on here.

I may have made a bit of a mistake last year... that is that I bought Blue a costume out of a bag. Now there is nothing wrong with buying a costume out of a bag, other than I don't want him to think that every year he can just pick whatever costume he wants and I will buy it for him. That kind of takes the fun out of Halloween for me. So this year he found some cheaply made Ninja costume that he wanted for $20 and I said, "nope... sorry". I tried to explain that part of the fun of Halloween is to make our costumes and go on a search to find the things that we need for them! I showed him this blog post about the costumes she has made for her kids and when he laid eyes on Luke Skywalker it was all over! He HAD to be Luke... even though we have never watched the Star Wars movies. So Luke it was...

I followed Miss Sheena's tutorial on using a women's white sweatshirt for the tunic. Brilliant! I made the white pants out of an old bed sheet that we had laying around and the pouch out of some old tan chords that Blue wore to church forever and are too small now. We thrifted the belt for $1 at DI and borrowed the light saber from his cousin. The cowboy boots... well, that was his little touch ;).

I paid less than $7 to put this costume together. I love that!

And our little pumpkin boy had this hat put on his head enough that he finally got used to it and didn't care anymore. I had a long sleeved white onsie under his other onsie on Halloween because it was pretty chilly. I'm suddenly super bad at taking pictures of my kids or getting out my camera on days like this. So I re-dressed him up a few days later and took this picture. Someday I will get it all figured out!

It all started with a pumpkin hat...

Five years ago when Blue was one year old, I got this crazy idea that my boy needed a pumpkin hat to wear for Halloween. Not just any pumpkin hat, but one knit lovingly by his mama. I had no clue how to knit, but this desire for a pumpkin hat is what got me started. I bought a "teach yourself to knit" book, and spent lots of time on you tube, and managed to make a pumpkin hat for Blue to wear to our church party.

Not too bad for my first knitting project! He of course hated it and would barely leave it on long enough for me to snap these pictures.

Little did I know then while making this pumpkin hat what a huge blessing knitting would be in my life. Knitting is a very dear friend of mine... I can't even count the number of doctor's appointments I have sat and waited for that have allowed me a little knitting time. I've been able to make gifts for friends, booties, baby leg warmers, hats, cowls, scarfs... the list goes on. I was able to make some of the hats I wore while I had cancer to keep my poor head covered and warm, as well as hats for my friends who have also had cancer. The most sacred knitting project I have done was the little soft white blanket I knit for Clayton that I wrapped him in before we buried him. Something that kept my hands and mind busy for the days between his birth and burial. The only temporal thing I ever made for my son I was able to make with my two hands, running every fiber of that yarn through my fingers. Yes, knitting is a very dear friend to me.

As the wind has grown a bit colder and the leaves have been falling from the trees, I've found myself once again with a burning desire to knit my new baby a pumpkin hat to wear for Halloween. This is the first project I've encountered since having him, and I was able to finish it up just before the big day!

It's fun for me to look back on the first pumpkin hat I made and see how much my knitting has improved over these last five years. This hat was a bit trickier than the first (I used this pattern), but I love the way it turned out. I wanted to take some pictures of it with Baby G modeling his new hat, so I waited until he was in a super happy mood. He was all smiles and coo's one afternoon so I grabbed the hat and had my husband hold him outside to take a few pictures.

And this is what I got...

In case you are wondering... yes, he's totally glaring at me in this picture for making him wear a stupid pumpkin hat.

Seriously!! Ugh... he really does not like the hat! I'm not sure if it's too tight or he just doesn't like hats, but he was not happy with us. We took a little break and let him say hi to the ladies before we tried for more pictures.

No such luck (and he couldn't have cared less for the chickens)...

Back inside with the hat off, he's as happy as can be again.

Oh well! He's still wearing it for Halloween. Or at least until we get tired of him complaining about it. We tried again to have him wear the hat later that night and he did a little better. No smiles but at least he wasn't fussy about it.

Even if my sons don't fully appreciate the Halloween pumpkin hat, I'm sure grateful that I can make such things for them. And that this silly desire of mine has sparked such a fun and relaxing hobby for me.

Outdoor tub...

I was talking to some friends the other day about living in a remote place... away from neighbors and paved roads. This idea is so appealing to me, possibly for no other reason than I could have an outdoor tub!

This is on the short list of things I would like in my future home. I do realize that in order to do this we really would have to live away from civilization. Or at least have a ton of trees and some privacy screens. But I love the idea of having a tub outside. Soaking in the tub is one of my favorite things to do, and I think it would only enhance the experience to do it outside, under the stars, with the wind blowing by...

And no, this is not the same as having a hot tub. Not at all. First of all chlorine... yuck! And it's just a different experience to be in a hot tub as opposed to a regular tub.

Yes, I realize this might not be super realistic... but oh I'm hopeful! Anyone out there have any dreams for your living space that might seem a little different?

And no you can't be my neighbor!!! (just kidding...)


Image 1, 2, 3

Birthday's and check up's...

We had a few big things happen around here last week. The first was that this little cutie turned SIX!!!

 

He is growing up so fast (I know we all say that don't we?). He is settling into his new role as big brother and has become way less overbearing/smothering of his new little brother and has become quite the big helper around here. I always knew he would be a great big brother, and he most certainly is. I thought the adjustment to no long being an only child would be fine because he is so much older... but I was wrong. Turns out when you've been the only child for almost 6 years and suddenly lots of attention goes to this new little baby, it's pretty tough. But he is adjusting as we all are and doing so well. I just need to be sure to give him his own individual time and attention everyday when I can. We had fun with his birthday, and I think it came at the perfect time. He was ready for the day to just be about him ;). We are sure grateful to have this boy in our family!

The next big thing that happened is that I had my 3 1/2 year cancer appointment. These things always sneak up on me, and I really hate doing the check up's twice a year. I'm just so glad that life has moved on and that I am no longer living in "that place" anymore. It's hard to get checked with that little thought in my mind that everything could change so fast... and go from pretty great to pretty crappy. I had a chest x-ray done, which I was supposed to do in April but did not due to Baby G cooking inside. Thankfully that came back totally normal. My doctor said that my blood looked amazing, especially considering I'd just had a baby two months before. And especially with the blood problems I had having that baby. Even though my body has been through some tough stuff, it really has bounced back fast from all it's gone through. For that I am super grateful...

With all this on my mind, my baby boy turning six, my cancer check up, and this new little guy who is bringing so much joy and happiness into my life... it was an intense week. In the middle of it all I got a message in my e-mail from a dear friend of mine who left a comment on my old blog. The one that I poured my little heart out on while going through those tough times. Her comment read:

I just want to tell that Meg that I love her and give her a big hug. "Hang in there, it's hard, but I know what happens later!". That boy is so sweet.

I went back and read the post that she had written this on and my oh my... it brought back so many emotions. I remember that place so well, that dark, sad, fragile place that I was in. I'm grateful for the hard times because they have made the good times in my life so much sweeter. Anyway, I wanted to share the post on here... and I am grateful to know what happens later too! I wish I could have told that Meg exactly what four years later would hold. This was written November 2009...

Not too long ago I had a little mini breakdown... Lucky for me it came right when it was time for Blue to take a nap. So I put Blue in his crib (oh how I miss that...) and shut the door... and let it all out. Blue heard me crying and after a few minutes I hear...

"Meg... you sad. Meg... you sad? Meg..."

How could I ignore that? So I broke my cardinal rule and went into his room. He was standing at the side of the crib looking very concerned. I'm not sure why but for some reason I decided to try and explain what was going on with me to him.

Me - "Blue, mommy is sad. Mom just wants to have a baby... I don't want to have cancer."
Blue - Confused look for a minute... "A baby? A baby? BABY!"
Me- "Why on earth am I trying to explain this to a two year old?!?! Go to bed."

Ya, the conversation was an interesting one wasn't it. It's been an experience in itself to have this little boy who is the center of my world have no clue what is really going on here. He is who I spend 95% of my waking hours with and he is just too young to even begin to understand any of this. I think that it's a real blessing honestly. He doesn't let me sit around in a pity party for too long. He wants to play and have fun and have a fun mom to do those things with. He knows that he gets to go and play with his friends every once in a while and mom disappears... but what's so bad about that? He knows that mom doesn't have any hair but he just thinks it's "funny". He knows that mom likes to sleep a lot, and when dad is home mom is usually "sleeping". He likes to sneak into my room and crawl under the covers and pretend to sleep with me for about two seconds before he decides that it's a lot funner to jump on mom instead.

I'm so grateful to have this little boy. I'm reminded every time I look into his sweet little face what it is I'm really fighting for. Even when I'm feeling awful and I just want to lay in bed until March, he doesn't let me. He needs me to take care of him and I'm so grateful that I have him to take care of... someone to take my mind off of everything that is going on. He makes me smile every day. Hopefully, he wont remember any of this and the day will come when I will just tell him how much he saved me during this crappy time. I'm so grateful for this little boy.

I am so grateful for this boy!!!!! He is still my sunshine on the darkest day. The time is getting closer when I can sit down with him and try to explain just how much he saved me during that time. I think he still needs to be a little older before we have this talk though. I've just started telling him about my having cancer and what that was like, because he doesn't remember at all and doesn't really understand what cancer is still.

Thank you, dear friend, for the reminder... of just how lucky I am and how sweet life really is.

Baby G's nursery...

 In the most beloved story of a baby’s birth, there was no decorated nursery or designer crib—

only a manger for the Savior of the world.

 - Neil L. Andersen October 2011 General Conference

 

 

I love this quote by Elder Andersen. This talk really spoke to me two years ago when we were trying to bring a new baby to our family. We were about to move in with my in law's while my husband was trying to find a job, and I knew that wherever we ended up living was not going to be a big luxurious place. I also knew that it was most likely going to be a hard few years financially while my husband started and settled into his career, and there was not going to be a designer crib in our future.

 

We live in a very small house. Super small. But we love it and it has been a comfortable place for our little family of three. When we found out we were pregnant, we really didn't want to leave! But I knew that meant that there would be no room for this little baby. There really would be no decorated nursery... at all. So the title of this post is a little misleading because Baby G does not have a nursery, or a room of his own, or even a room shared with his brother (yet...). Baby G lives in our living room, and all of his stuff is in a lovely dresser.

 

It's tricky for sure, but it works for us right now. It honestly was a little nice to only have to worry about getting the dresser done before he was born and not having to decorate a whole nursery. We have plans of making a loft bed for Blue that we will put the crib under, but not until the baby starts sleeping through the night (meaning 12 hours) and who knows when that will be. So for now, he sleeps out in the living room and it is working surprisingly well.

 

Part of me feels a little humbled to share this, but the rest of me just feels grateful for what we have. I've thought a lot about the woman who first lived in this home with her FIVE children. Holy smokes! Surely I can make it work for our two children right?

 

So without further adieu... here is Baby G's humble nursery...

 

Before I talk about the dresser, I want to talk about this bed! It's a Fisher Price Rock and Play Sleeper, and I love it. It was an impulse buy when he was waking up every 2-3 hours at night and I was so exhausted!! He really wasn't sleeping well laying on his back in the pack and play, so I needed to figure something else out for my own sanity. I'd heard about this bed and read the hundreds of reviews on Amazon before driving over to Target and picking one up. I'm not usually an impulse buyer, but man was it worth it! The first night he slept in this he did a 6 hour stretch. He now does a 6-9 hour stretch in there every night. I like how little it is and that it's easy to move around, it works so well with our "baby doesn't really have a room" situation. It's hard to see it's full beauty in this picture because I have a big blanket in there, but I really love it.

 

I talked in this post about my plans to redecorate the living room and how I wasn't sure what color we were going to paint the dresser. Well, yellow won out and I love it! The color is Behr's Sweet Maple and I love looking at this bright and cheery dresser everyday. It makes me smile! And someday when Baby G does have a room to call his own I can work this into his room better than I could teal. So yellow it was.

 

I did something that I had never done before when I refinished it which was make my own chalk paint. IT WAS AMAZING!!! I have painted a lot of furniture before and let me tell you, this is the way to go! I followed this tutorial and was so happy with how it turned out. I wanted to distress it a little, so I sanded the dresser before hand and then stained all the edges with a dark brown stain. Then I rubbed a white candle over all the places that I wanted to distress and painted two coats of yellow over the dresser. This chalk paint goes on so smooth and thick, that's all it took! I only used 2 cups of paint for the whole dresser. Then when the paint was dry I went over the edges with some fine grit sand paper and got just the right amount of dark wood showing through.

 

 

I bought the hardware off of Ebay because it was so much cheaper than the exact same drawer pulls from both Home Depot and Lowes. They were just the right touch.

 

 

I'm still needing to make a cover for the changing pad when I get around to it. I love the way the yellow looks with my pallet art on the wall above. Baby G loves looking at this while he's getting changed. I think it's the contrast between the dark wood and the white.

And inside are all of the baby clothes, extra wipes and diapers, blankets, burp cloths, shoes, toys, everything!

In the little basket on top I have easy access diapers and wipes, plus a little metal bucket that holds my small baby accessories. Nail clippers, binkies, bulb syringe, and plastic bags for stinky diapers.

There you have it! My super easy, low key, nursery solution for the time being. I like the simplicity of it. It has really helped me to not go overboard on baby stuff because we can really only fit what will fit in the dresser.

Fussy...

I was trying to get a good picture of Baby G today that I could print off and give to his Great Grandma. She has a hallway lined with pictures of her family members, and a special section with all of her great-grandbabies. But I tell you, this baby does not want to cooperate! He is just still really fussy... and every picture I took has a scowl on his face.

Blue was a fussy baby. It was so hard to be cried at all day, everyday, for the first three months of his life. And then one day he just sort of snapped out of it. I know that will happen with this baby too... but darn it I was really hoping that he would be a calmer baby. Oh well, we will get through it!

And look at Blue now... he has the best smile around, always lights up a room. I think my favorite sound in the world is that boy's joyful laugh. He is such a happy kid for the most part, and sweet as can be. So maybe fussy babies make happy kids? I'm hoping so!

We've tried all sorts of things to help the fussiness around here. Swaddling, mylicon, gripe water, white noise, etc, etc. The only things that seem to sort of work is going outside and giving him a warm bath. He LOVES it outside and he LOVES baths. But I can't have him in the tub all day, and it's getting colder around these parts so hopefully something else will work if this carries on. I've thought about picking up some Colic Calm, but man that is pricy for fancy gripe water. I've also been tempted to take him to the chiropractor to see if that helps at all but that makes me a little nervous. We are just going to wait this one out I think...

I'm thankful for all the baby whisperers that have come into my life lately though. Even if it's just someone to hold him for 10 minutes to try and calm him down. Just to see someone else holding him and working with him makes me feel better. I have some dear friends that have stopped by and held my boy so that I can get something done or just take a break when he's being really fussy. Bless them!

Thirty...

Cuddling my boys... my last day being 29.

 

I spent the last few days of my twenties in one of the most beautiful places in the world. Golden leaves, crisp air, dirt roads, and snow!!! It was pretty cold the first few days but then everything melted and the beautiful fall scenery came out.

I've come to terms with the fact that my birthday falls on the deer hunt every year. Instead of being mad that my husband is totally preoccupied with hunting that week, I try to go along so that Trent doesn't have to pick between me and the hunt. I get to enjoy being in a place that I love and relax while he goes and does his thing during the day. We weren't really able to go out and do too many walks/hikes like I had hoped because I didn't want the baby to get too cold. Instead we sat around the fire in the cabin and mostly cuddled Baby G while the kids played.

I found my thoughts centering around my life, this stage in my life, and the fact that I was turning the big 30 that weekend. Ahhhh.... thirty. I'm happy to be thirty. I guess I feel like I should really be an adult now... or something like that. I've been thinking about what I want my life to be like in my thirties as opposed to what they were like in my twenties.

Two things seem to hit home the most. The first is that I spent most of my twenties longing for babies. Longing to be a mother. One of my biggest challenges in my twenties was getting these boys here to our family. I've spent the last four years of my life hoping/longing/pleading to have another baby. And here he is... I have this beautiful boy in my arms. Such a weight has been lifted from my heart. I'm relieved that I wont be longing for a baby this year. That I will be taking care of a baby instead.

 

With that comes the second thing... I've been pretty sad and depressed while longing for this baby. I haven't taken care of my body the way that I should have. I justified a lot of poor choices (yes I mean food choices) because I was trying to fill a big void in my life. With just having a baby and turning 30 I'm finding myself really wanting to take better care of my body. I'm not the young 24 year old I was when I had Blue and I can already tell I'm going to have to work a lot harder to get this baby weight off. I guess I'm accepting that I'm getting a bit older and I need to make healthy eating a bigger priority.

Because I now have two boys who call me mom, and they deserve the very best of me...

 

So our weekend in a sentence... Husband got his deer, I turned 30, Blue built his first snowman of the season, and Baby G did his first 7 hour stretch of sleeping. Life is good! Life is full of beautiful things right now. Thirty is going to be great... I can feel it!