Golden 2012...

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I decided that 2012 is going to be an amazing year for me. The last 3 years have been so hard, and I'm soooo ready for an absolutely fabulous year! Now that I'm back home and no longer working full time, I'm really going to try and make every effort to have beautiful experiences this year for me and my family.

Something else that is happening this year is that I will be celebrating my Golden Birthday, which means I will be turning 29 on the 29th of September. So I want to make it great, and really enjoy this last bit of my twenties.

I've decided that instead of making resolutions this year I was going to make a list of 29 things I want to do before my 29th birthday. Many of these things are projects that I've already started and are half done, or things that I keep saying I'm going to do and then never do. Here's the big list:

1- Go on a hike to Lake Mary (where husband and I got engaged)
2- Make a hexagon quilt
3- Make a quiet book for my boy
4- Run in a race (5K or half marathon... either way!)
5- Grow my own basil and make homemade pesto from it
6- Make an apron for myself (I've honestly never done this)
7- Lose 30 lbs or get pregnant (cause if I get preggo I probably wont be losing the weight this year)
8- Do all of the temple work for 5 ancestors (I'll explain this better when I do it)
9- Find a great lipstick shade
10- Add 5 new items to my Etsy shop
11- Participate in a craft fair
12- Finish the quilt for our bed
13- Organize and re-label all of our files
14- Build a toy barn for my boy
15- Go on a date to The Little Acorn, where I first met my husband
16- Do a 30 day sugar fast (I'm anticipating this being the hardest thing to accomplish on the list. Ummm... just kidding, #7 will be the hardest.)
17- Organize all of my recipes into a binder
18- Take my boy to see the Buffalo's
19- Take a yoga class
20- Write more consistently in my personal journal
21- Get some house plants, and not kill them
22- Pay off all my medical bills
23- Learn how to use different saws and get more into woodworking
24- Organize a "command center" for my home
25- Go to Yellowstone for our 10th year of marriage (this is where we honeymooned)
26- Finish the stupid Santa cross stitch that I've been working on for the past 8 years!!! - and frame it for Christmas
27- Exercise at least 4 days per week
28- Organize my pantry better
29- Do my hair in different ways other than straight down at least once a week

Honestly, if I could accomplish half of this list I would be super happy about that. The whole list would be amazing! I'll post the items up here when I get them done. Here's to a super fun and productive year!

Christmas...

Christmas this year has been so fun. We've had family time, family time, and more family time. It's been wonderful. We had our family Christmas party my hubby's side a few weeks ago and we were in charge of doing the food. We decided to go all out and do Mexican food. It was so yummy!

Not super traditional for our family, but it was fun and everyone seemed to love it anyway. Lots of fun visiting with cousins etc. My boy loved playing with his little baby cousins, in the middle of the baby blanket (and yes, the striped babies are triplets).

Wisemen in the nativity...

I'm going to try to be a better blogger. However, my camera disappeared at a family Christmas party so that may put a damper on things. I'm sure it was mistakenly tossed in the bottom of someones diaper bag by accident, but never the less it's gone. So I stole all these pictures from my brother in law's fb account, and I'm grateful to have family members who like to take pictures of my boy so that I can have some!

My Christmas Card...

This is my cute little family. I don't like to send out Christmas cards, so I don't. But I do like to take at least one picture a year of my family, trying to look cute, to give to the grandma's. I also like having a picture every year so that we can see how we've grown and what we look like.

I love the one that I got this year. In front of an old wooden cabin with a rock fireplace. Darling. And my boy who still lets his mom hold him... even more darling.


I hope that you all had a wonderful Christmas today! Mine was spent surrounded by family and those that I love. I'm a lucky blessed girl.

Mr. Claus...

I think my little dude is excited for Christmas this year.

 And I'm excited that he asked Mr. Claus for a $15 pterodactyl toy... yes, that is totally doable little man.

We are going super low key this year. All of our Christmas stuff is in storage, so no tree or decorations for us. But we have lots of Christmas excitement going on with this little guy. Kids always seem to make holiday's more fun don't they.

Being yourself in a marriage...

Marriage is when a man and a woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

- Mae West

I love this antler/flower picture that I found on Pinterest. In a strange way, it reminds me of marriage. Where you take two totally opposite people and try to meld them together to become one.

My darling husband and I will be celebrating our 9th year of marriage soon, which sounds like a super long time when I type it out. We've been through a lot together in our 9 years... a lot (but who hasn't though... right?). We have overcome some pretty terrific obstacles, gone on great adventures together, and seen each other at our best and absolute worst.

We are also very, very different people. Somewhere down the road of our marriage I started to change. I started not wanting to try and compromise over everything and so I got used to saying, "Whatever you want to do honey." Which is a very great thing to say really. But I noticed when I was trying to piece my life back together after cancer that I really didn't know who I was anymore. I had lost a piece of myself along the line somewhere and was trying to figure out how to get that back. Who was I? Other than {husband's name}'s wife? What did I like to do? What was I passionate about? I was pretty lost on those questions.

There is lots of compromise that happens in a marriage, but one that I did that I really regret doing was compromising myself... Now, just for the record this was something that I did entirely on my own. I have a very loving and sweet husband who doesn't have a mean bone in his body. He would do anything in the world for me and our son and I love him to pieces. But I started to push my own desires and wishes aside to do or be whatever I "thought" he wanted me to be.

Until one day I had a realization. HE FELL IN LOVE WITH ME!!! He didn't fall in love with who I thought he wanted me to be. He fell in love with me. Part of my problem may also be that the "me" he fell in love with was 19 years old. At that point in my life I had not much experience past highschool, I had not gone through anything horribly terrific in life that had really molded and shaped my soul yet. While I'm so grateful to have met my husband and gotten married then, I realize now that I still had a lot of growing up to do. And instead of doing that growing up on my own, I've done it as a married girl with a husband by my side. A lot has happened since then, and we've both changed an adapted in our lives.

But I know now that I don't want to be anyone other than myself, because I don't seem to do that very well. And I really missed doing the things that I was really passionate about because it was like I had buried my soul in the closet because "it really wasn't that important." Come to find out it was vitally important to my happiness, and I'm now trying to dust off the cobwebs and try them on again... and it feels really good.

Something that I've been paying a lot of attention to lately are couples who are very strong individuals but also have a beautiful relationship with each other. Couples who are very different yet they respect their partners and let them be who they are.

So my question is, what do you do to maintain your individuality in your marriage or relationship? And how do you let your spouse maintain theirs?
And just for the record... I'm planning on rummaging through my brother in law's unused antler collection (yes... he has one) and recreating this display at the top. I'm thinking of making the flowers out of clay and then painting them. I'll post it up when I'm finished!

November {30}

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Today was a beautiful sort of day...

 - Woke up and got my place picked up and straightened out.

 - Did some dishes.

 - Grabbed spinach and bananas at the store.

 - Went on a drive through this {smallish} town that we are in with my two boys.

 - Saw lots of barns for some good inspiration.

 - Also saw about 12 deer off the side of the road in a herd like above... they were beautiful.

 - Cleaned and vacuumed out my car. That's been on the list for a while.

 - Went out with my best girl for a little girl time.

 - Ate at a great restaurant downtown called Eva's. Not a bad replacement for my favorite tapas restaurant in Las Vegas, Firefly.

 - Saw My Week With Marilyn... it did not disappoint. At all. Surprised by the rating, it was much cleaner than most things on TV now days.

 - Now I'm daydreaming about full, stained lips and quite possible embracing my curvier body instead of always wishing it away...

Not a bad day at all.

Good night November.

Trees for Christmas...

I've listed three of my trees that can be ordered this holiday season in my shop!

If you like the summer family tree order soon because I only have enough supplies for a few more, this one has been my best seller. And once it's gone, it's gone.

I'm trying to clean shop because come the new year, I have some great new designs I'm super excited to share! They will be different... I'll give you one clue... a lot more wood and a lot less fabric.

To say thanks to all of you great friends I'm offering free shipping through Christmas if you use the code Christmas2011 at checkout.

Good luck with all your shopping. I still haven't started mine... yikes!

Leaving Las Vegas...

Leaving the desert...

Everything that I hold dear... my sleeping boy, and my hubby driving all of our stuff behind me...

About 7 days ago we packed up all of our earthly belongings and moved back home to Utah. This is a move that we've been hoping for and anticipating for a long time, and quite honestly we really just picked a date and made it happen. We have a lot that needs to "work out" and happen before we are settled here, but one thing's for sure... we are no longer in Las Vegas. More on our decision to move back home later, right now I want to talk about Las Vegas.

If someone would have told me that I was going to spend four years of my life living in Las Vegas I would have never believed them. We are not city people. We just aren't. We are outdoor loving, mountain people. We love rivers, fishing, hiking, camping, and spending our days out in the trees. So Las Vegas was a different type of experience for us. I had never even been to Las Vegas until we went to check it out before moving there. Our reasons for moving to Vegas dissolved soon after we got there, but we decided to stay... and I'm so glad we did. Vegas really grew on me...

 Las Vegas is where we became parents. It's where we also became grieving parents. It's where we fought and won cancer. Las Vegas means a lot to me, it's where I feel like I grew up to be an adult. The people that we met and associated with in Las Vegas are some of the finest I've ever met in my life. It was really hard to leave that place.

The wonderful ward that we lived in the last three years we were there really became family to us. They carried us through the hardest time in our lives. I could never have made it through cancer without them. So many people were so supportive and kind. I learned how to serve others there by being served myself. It was really hard to leave these wonderful people.

It was hard to leave my job. I loved my job in the ER. I never have wanted to work outside of the home but I had to, and it became one of the greatest joys of my life. I looked forward to being at work because it gave me something to do besides sit at home and feel sorry for myself and my current situation. It forced me to get out there, make friends, see what I was really made of. I was so worried about going back to work after being sick for so long. But I'm happy to say that I thrived at work, I worked hard and became very close to many of the doctors and nurses that I worked with. It gave me a piece of confidence that I had lost, and I am so happy about that. Leaving my job was hard, but now I get to be home with my boy and I am so grateful for that.

It's hard to leave a place that has been so good to you. I left a piece of my heart in Las Vegas, and I will always treasure the time that we spent there, the lessons learned, and the friends that touched our lives.

 So long Las Vegas. Thank you for being so so good to us...

Cowboy...

Speaking of barns... my little dude was a cowboy for Halloween. We went pretty low key and borrowed most of the outfit from my sister in law. The vest, bandanna, belt and chaps are from her. It's nice having sister in laws who sew... I have to say.

We got his hat from the dollar store, boots from Savers for $5, the shirt he already had. We borrowed this stellar horse from a friend...

He was a cute little cowboy. He loved it! I like it when they love their costumes and try to play the part.

Barn raising...

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I really want to make a barn for my little guy to play with all our little schleich barn toys in. I'm hoping to get going on it soon and get it done in time for Christmas. I've looked at some of the barns online that are for kids and I haven't been too impressed. First, I don't want a barn out of plastic, and second, the wooden ones that you buy and paint are so darn expensive!! So I'm planning on making one myself out of wood which will require using saws etc... not something that I'm used to. So hopefully it turns out okay! I'm going to start drafting up my plans today and get going on it soon.

My husbands aunt has an awesome barn that a neighbor made for them that I've been in love with ever since I first saw it. Her barn is HUGE! I think I will make mine a little smaller, but the same type of idea.

I want to make a loft in the top and some stables that can open in the bottom. I'm also thinking a trough with some bales of hay... maybe a little fence, I don't know. Maybe I should just focus on getting the barn done.

And isn't this roof adorable?!?! I think that's what won me over. Wish me luck!

The craft of baby making...

Stealing a kiss from my {not so little} boy...

I layed in bed with this little boy yesterday... nap time. Naps are always better when mom is there.

I don't take naps with the boy very often, but I caved this day. It was his birthday after all.

Every now and then when I give in to the pleading I usually just stay until he falls asleep and then try to sneak out to go do my own thing. But this time he had wrapped his little arm around mine and I was sort of stuck there. So I stayed.

As I layed there I tried to remember what it was like 4 years ago when I held him for the first time. It was a hard day, after laboring for 20 hours and pushing for 2 before being wheeled into surgery for an unexpected c-section. I had never thought that I would ever have a c-section... I don't know why. My mom or sister hadn't had a c-section, why would I? Needless to say it was a rough day. A rough day, that was one of the best in my life. Because I became a mom.

I had tried for a year to get pregnant with this boy. At the time I didn't understand why we couldn't get pregnant. What was wrong with me? Why did it seem that everyone else was able to get pregnant so easily and I couldn't? I realize now the wonderful design of Heavenly Father. I'm so grateful now that I have a four year old. Not a five or six year old, but a four year old. That he was so little when we went through that crazy time in our lives. Too little to know anything, but how to give hugs and kisses. Too little to be influenced by the worries of adults, that he was just a sweet, innocent two year old who smothered his mom with love. This little boy who is so full of love... saved me. He saved my life. Though drugs and potions could spare my physical body for now, he spared my heart.

I'm grateful now that he is four. That he has two years before he will start kindergarten having that late birthday that he has. That hopefully I will be able to stay home with him soon and spend some much longed for time with him before he has to grow up a bit and go to school.

As I layed there with my sweet boy I thanked my Heavenly Father once again that I get to be his mother. And I thanked him for giving him to me when he did... not when I thought it was a great time to have a baby, but when he knew it was the right time for me to have a baby.

I've been thinking about the craft of baby making recently. Some women are able to have babies any time they "want", and have perfectly spaced out children whenever they feel the time is right for them. Other women can't help but get pregnant, and are swimming in a sea of kids because they just keep coming one after the other. Other women have a hard time getting pregnant, they can't get pregnant when they want to. Pay lots of money and spend so much time and energy into trying to grow their family which sometimes works and sometimes... doesn't.

I think that most women would like to fall into the "get pregnant when they want to" category. However, if that's how it worked out all the time for everyone... if we all were just able to have children whenever we wanted to... where does God come into the picture? Where does faith come in? Because it's really not about us. It's really not about when it works out for our "timing", but it's about his timing. It's not about making sure they are each in a separate grade, or that this year we could use a better deductible on our taxes, or that we want to run a marathon before we have another one. Or that our car seat is going to expire so we should fit one more it there... It's about his timing.

And sometimes his timing works out much better for us than our timing would have. But we don't know that until we see it down the road. I really loved this talk from conference, I really spoke to me at this time in my life.

I'm really trying to embrace this right now. And the more I think about it, the more it makes perfect sense. In those moments when I feel sad because I want to have more babies... now, I will remember the beautiful four year old that I do have, and had exactly when it was "right".

Post written October 17, 2011

On the needles...

I've been knitting up some new things. I'm pretty much in love with this lacy - mustard yellow creation here. It always makes me excited to find a few minutes to knit when it's something that I love looking at.

I saw a quote once that said something like, "knitting is my Prozac". I feel the same way. It calms me. It's so relaxing to just sit and focus on the little stitches. Knitting takes a long time, a lot longer than crochet (or so I've been told) and I think that's part of the "therapy". It's something that isn't going to be done soon. It takes many times to find the quiet moments to sit and work, slowly...

My husband says that I've turned into a 60 year old lady... I'm totally fine with that, if it means I can knit, that's just fine...

What not to say to a chubby girl...

It finally happened... every woman's worst nightmare (maybe that's a bit too dramatic?). We were buying some things at The Home Depot today, me, my hubs and the boy. When the cashier says to my son, "Oh.... you're going to be a big brother aren't you?"

Excuse me? Seriously?!?! WHO SAYS STUFF LIKE THAT! Really, isn't it a universal rule that you NEVER verbalize someone being pregnant unless they are actively giving birth or something? At least if they are a good 8 months pregnant and wearing a shirt that says "No I didn't swallow a watermelon" or something of that nature?

The hubs and I looked at each other and just smiled... completely ignoring her. Then she said it again.

"You are going to be such a good big brother, aren't you excited?"

Oh man, you are KILLING ME lady! My husband broke the silence and said, "Maybe someday..."

I've never had that happen to me before. Never. I'm kicking myself now that I didn't come back with, "Nope, I'm just fat." Because then maybe she would have learned this universal rule that you never assume a woman is pregnant... but probably not. Probably not. The second we got out of the store my husband and I both busted up laughing... that did not just happen!

{Sigh}

Yes, I'm carrying some extra weight on me, but I didn't think that I looked pregnant! However, I feel a lot better about what happened today based on the fact that:

A -  I woke up at the crack of dawn and went on a run (day 2 of getting back into it).
B -  I did eat oatmeal for breakfast.
C - I wish there was a C but I can't think of one right now.

Maybe if I remember this for a few days I wont give up on my running again.

Snake wreath...

I really love Pinterest. I do. I was already saving pictures of things I liked on my computer, but it wasn't the best solution because I could never back track to where I had found the picture in the first place. But I like oh so many others have welcomed Pinterest into my life with open arms... it's fun.

On thing that I don't want to happen is to pin a million pictures and just gaze lovingly at them forever and never actually make anything that I like. So I'm trying to actually make the things that I  find and pin.

This snake wreath is one of my firsts...

Not too bad! I gathered supplies. I already had an old wreath that was sitting around... naked.

The large snakes were found at Wal-Mart and the smaller ones at the dollar store.

Wrap the snakes around the wreath.

Spray paint.

Hang and admire...

Now that I'm looking at the pictures on the computer I realize that I need some more snakes! More big snakes. But I love it! It's fun. I think that Halloween is one of the funnest holiday's to decorate for.

All I wanted for my birthday was a ponytail...

All I really wanted for my birthday this year was a ponytail...

And with the help of (several) bobbie pins, I got it!!

Twenty {8} is going to be great!

At least that's what I keep telling myself. The power of positive thinking. It is going to be great!