Blood Cancer Awareness Month...

Did you know that September is Blood Cancer Awareness Month? I didn't either until the other day when I read about it on the Leukemia and Lymphoma website.

So in honor of Blood Cancer Awareness Month, I thought that I would paint my toenails this aw(ful)some shade of green. Just as pink is the official color for Breast Cancer, green is the "official" color for Lymphoma.  Did you know that Lymphoma is considered a blood cancer along with Leukemia and Myeloma? It is. These are all cancers that affect your immune system and are connected to the source of life that runs through all of our bodies... our blood.

September is the month that I was diagnosed with lymphoma. September is also my birthday month (a few more days to go)... and I get to have more birthday's because of the research that has been done to treat lymphoma.

I also finally got my hands on a copy of Lance Armstrong's book, It's Not About The Bike, and read it last week. I really appreciate all he has done in the name of cancer and the foundation that he established. They have raised MILLIONS of dollars for cancer research.

The part of his book that helped me the most is when he talked about survivorship. Living through something like cancer is a feat in itself, but life that follows something like cancer can be hard. I know for me I have a lot of guilt sometimes that I made it. Why did I make it while others don't make it? Sometime I feel like I should be doing something big and wonderful with my life because I made it. But other times I feel like I shouldn't have to do anything, isn't it enough that I'm just alive? It's a difficult field of emotions to handle at times. Lots of depression, lots of frustration with a body that has been through a lot and isn't bouncing back as fast as I want it to. Lots of frustration with myself emotionally that I'm not bouncing back as fast I want to.... and lots and lots of gratitude.

Did you know that after going through cancer Lance got back on his bike and started racing again, and he quit. In the middle of a race back in France he got off his bike and he quit. He went back home and told his manager that he was done, that he was retiring. His manager stalled him and convinced him to ride one last race in the United States before he officially retired. He started playing golf everyday and eating at his favorite Mexican restaurant and just did whatever he wanted to do because it should just be enough that he made it through that... and he was alive. It wasn't until 18 months after he finished chemo that he decided that it was time for him to pull himself up and see what he could do again. It made me feel better to read that. He didn't roll out of the hospital bed and go win the Tour de France. It was a long process of recovery, both physically and emotionally before he was ready to prove to himself and the world that he could do it.

He also talked in this book about the duties that lay upon those of us who survive cancer. That we need to help the work move forward. This is why he decided to start his foundation, to raise money for cancer research. I've also been thinking about what I could do to give back. I have a few ideas, and I'm hoping to make those ideas a reality someday soon. I'm grateful for all that has been done so that I could have a shot at continuing my life.

Happy September everyone!

dreaming about the ER...

I had a dream last night...

I was hanging out with my sister in law and she was telling me that her heart was beating in an irregular rhythm and is was going pretty fast. I told her that there were a few things that could be going on. She could just be having PVC's or PAC's (premature ventricular or atrial complexes) which are basically benign palpitations of your heart. Or she be in a rhythm called atrial fibrillation that could be potentially life threatening. If she was in atrial fibrillation (or Afib for short) it needed to be taken care of right away with IV medication or the blood would not pump through her body the way that it should and she could end up having a stroke or something. Then she started crying... all she heard me say is that she could end up having a stroke. I told her that the only way to know was to get to the hospital and have an EKG done and then she would know...

from google

Then I woke up... and I realized that I spend WAYYYYY too much time at work!

I feel like all I do is work, or think about work, and now I'm dreaming about work!! I live/work in the Emergency Room. Sheesh. I long for the day that I dream about knitting a sweater or running in a race or something like that.

I really love my job. It is so interesting to be there and to learn all these things that I've learned. But I do spend a lot of time there. Which brings me to a whole different reality.

I work around doctors and westernized medicine everyday. Part of me thinks that I should go back to school and become a nurse, or a PA, or something like that. But when I come home everyday, I use my lemon grass oil and take my fish oil and probiotics. The only "daily medication" I take are herbal supplements and high doses of vitamin C. Before a long car ride I pop some ginger pills and I treat my allergies with a nettie pot and humidifier.

I don't know if I could be a PA. I don't know what type of medical job would allow me to "preach what I actually practice". This is a field that I really love and enjoy... but I'm torn.

My days in the ER are numbered because we are planning on moving sometime in the next few months. But I really am grateful for everything I've learned there. I don't want to waste it, but I don't know what to do with it either. I have time to figure it out. I'm hoping that my old boss will hire me back and let me be a stay at home mom again.

I think he will... because he says that I'm his best girl. And he doesn't care if I prefer westernized medicine or natural medicine, as long as I take him to the park and make shadow puppets on the wall before bed he's up for whatever.

Yes... maybe it is time for that type of a job again...

Big foot pinata...

We do a family campout every summer with my husband's side of the family. This was the third year that we did it, it's something that we look forward to all year.

For the past two years something that always seems to come up as we are sitting in the dark forest surrounded by trees is... Big Foot. One of my brother in laws is a firm believer in Big Foot, and likes to share the latest story that he's heard about Big Foot sightings while at this campout. We decided this year to bring Big Foot to our camp, so my super crafty SIL Rachel got to work and made an awesome Big Foot pinata.

I can take no credit for this master piece. The only thing I contributed was the idea to use a cereal box for the center. The rest was all her. I think she did an awesome job.

She blew up little water balloons for the head and shoulder pads {and bum cheekies}. Then she laced a wire hanger through the top and down the bottom for the legs, wrapping the legs in newspaper. Once she was satisfied with the form of Big Foot we strung it up on a rope over a table so that we could paper mache "it".

Love the bum cheeks... funny!

We mixed water and four until it was all combined. We made it more runny that thick and had strips of newspaper to dip in and mold to Big Foot's body.

I believe they did three coats, letting each coat dry in between. It was a pretty solid structure, that's for sure.

She decided to spray paint it brown and then cover it with "hair"... and moss. Because you know Big Foot does have moss growing on his back and all.

And here he is in all his glory...

It was a hit! The kids loved smashing in Big Foot! In the end, he was a little too indestructible. All the kids took two turns and he was still pretty intact. I think that two layers of the paper mache would have been fine. It was a fun addition to our campout though, and so much cheaper and CUTER than one we could have bought at the store {assuming that we could have found a pinata like this... which I'm pretty sure we wouldn't have been able to}. Rachel did an awesome job!

 

Marilyn...

Michelle Williams as Marilyn...

I loved reading through this Vogue article about Michelle Williams who is playing Marilyn Monroe in a new movie, My Week with Marilyn.

Something you should maybe know about me... I really love Marilyn Monroe.

I've loved her since I was in junior high. In 7th grade we had to pick a historical figure to research and do a little prepared speech about. We then had to dress up like the person we chose and had a "history night" with all of our parents invited where we presented our speeches. I chose Marilyn. I'm glad that my mother didn't try to shy me away from this or question my motives. I've read quite a few biographies about her and have always been really fascinated by her life. A pretty girl who started out as Norma Jean Baker, and turned into one of the biggest icons of her time, Marilyn.

So I was a little giddy yesterday when I realized there would be a movie made about her! It's about time! Sadly... we have to wait until November 4th for it to come out.

I almost hesitated to write this because I realize that Marilyn is not the best example for a lot of things in life. She was addicted to drugs, had pretty loose morals, etc, etc. So why is it that I like Marilyn?

I like that she was a beautiful woman. To me she just exudes femininity. She was not some skinny waif of a girl (not that there is anything wrong with that... if it's your natural body type). She embraced her curvy, full body and she worked it! I loved the dresses that she wore and her red lipstick. Michelle Williams says in the article that she had to gain weight and still pad her hips with padding to look like Marilyn. I wish there were more "female idols" today that looked like curvy, real, women.

Many date nights with me and my hubs have been spent curled up on the couch, watching old Marilyn movies, my favorite being The Seven Year Itch. I can't wait to see this movie about her...

This boy...

This little boy of mine really loves Dora... and I'm totally cool with that!

He also really loves girls, and is always pointing out when he sees a pretty girl... I'm okay with that too.

Except for when he goes up to a cute girl {lady really} at Costco and tells her that she has a cute bum... not so okay with that one.

Happy day...

me, my hubs, and his dad

Today was one of the happiest days of my life!!! My cute husband graduated from Nursing School today. It's been a crazy ride, but I am just gushing in pride today for all that he has accomplished. Just for kicks I want to go through what it took to get to this point.

 - About 2 1/2 years ago he decided that he wanted to become either a Nurse Practitioner or a Nurse Anesthetist. Both of those career choices require you to first have a bachelor's degree in Nursing. He had already gotten his bachelor's degree in Biology so in order to do this he had to go back and get a second bachelor degree in Nursing. We knew it would be a long hall but worth it in the end, so we searched out the best option for us. There were a few classes that he was lacking to apply to a nursing program so we decided he would go to class at night after working full time to get this done.
 - Three days after our baby Clayton died he started his pre-req classes. It was hard to have him gone 12+ hours a day between work and school so soon after losing our baby, but we didn't want that to stop us from going forward with this.
 - He continued to work during the day and go to class at night after I was diagnosed with cancer and was going through chemo. That was brutal. It was really hard to have him gone all the time and try to take care of our boy, but we kept on going.
 - He started applying to nursing programs about halfway through my chemo treatments. He was accepted to an accelerated nursing program the same month that I finished my treatments. Nursing school usually takes two years to complete. The program he was accepted to was specifically for students who already had a bachelor degree and were getting a second degree, and this program could be completed in one year. We decided to go ahead with it, even though it meant that he would have to quit his job and I would have to get a job in order to make it work.
- I started working about 2 weeks before he started nursing school. I waited as long as I could. I was 4 months out of chemo and my hair was about 1 inch long :). But I think I did a good job fooling my new coworkers. I didn't tell any of them that I had just finished chemo until about 6 months into my job.
- For the year Trent was in school he was gone about 6 days a week... all day long! It was very intense. We saw very little of each other. I worked full time so that we could have a little money and health insurance so that I could continue to get my follow up scans. And of course we couldn't have done this without our amazing babysitters watching our boy for us. I have such awesome friends, who took in my little guy and loved him like their own.
- And today all this hard work paid off!!! HE'S DONE!!!!

I feel like this is the best thing that has happened to us in a long time... and we worked our tails off for. it. I was pretty emotional at the ceremony today. I tried not to be, but it was just such a relief to have made it through. My husband is amazing... getting awesome grades the whole time and following this through.

I'm just so proud of him... so proud of us. Happy to be done and ready to move on to the next great adventure life has in store for us.

Lessons learned from Candy Land...

My boy wanted to play Candy Land today. So we got out the game and sat down to play. Now... keep in mind he is three years old and he hasn't quite figured out how to play the game "exactly right" just yet. He started out really well, drawing a card and moving his little player to the right space. But about halfway through the game he became way more interested in drawing the cards with the pictures on them rather than the colored square. "But mom, I want to go visit the lollipop girl" or "I want to go see the candy cane forest." He had completely lost interest in trekking along and making it to the end of the game, but wanted to jump around and see the sights, regardless of if it put him back to square one.

At one point I caught myself wanting to say, "No, that's not how the game is played. You need to make it to the end, to the castle." The point of the game is not to go see all these other sites.... or is it?

My own little life flashed before my eyes. Here we are, in our eighth year of marriage. We do not live in a fancy big house, or have a fancy car. My husband is not well established in his career, but about to finish his second bachelor degree. We have not gone about our lives going from one colored square to the next, but have been jumping around the board for quite some time here. Some of our adventures have been grand, such as moving to Hawaii in lieu of settling down and getting established. Some adventures were not what we had planned or wanted {such as landing on the Liquorish Forest and having to go back to the beginning of the game}. But they have still been adventures, and the journey has still been a great lesson in life to us.

I look at some of our friends and family members who are way advanced in the Candy Land game and seem to be almost at "the castle" so to speak. Pulling all the practical cards and moving along. We have not taken that path. Many times I've wanted to but that is not how it has worked out for us either by our own choice or by the card we happened to draw, and that's okay.

So which is the better way to play the game? Working hard to get to "the castle" or jumping around and taking time to see all the sights? I think they are both right for different reasons and for different people.

So we played Candy Land a little differently today. We did visit the gumdrop troll looking guy, and Mrs. Peanutbrittle. We sailed down the Rainbow bridge and spent some time in the Candy Cane forest. I hope that as I continue to teach and mother my boy that I remember that there is not only one way to play any game. That however he wants to play the game, or his life, we are here for him, and want to go along for the ride.

Knitting needles...

I need to find me some incredibly large knitting needles...

How amazing is this home!!! I love all the big, chunky knitting with the rustic white and wood accents in the house. I could just curl up in that window bed and stay forever.



All images found here. Check out the whole house, it's amazing.

Fish Taco Picnic...

We took some of our friends out of the heat of the city and into our favorite meadow for some yummy fish tacos last weekend. It was so nice up there! We practically had the meadow to ourselves.

I love this meal for picnics because you can prep most of it ahead of time, and it's so good! I made all of the fillings and put them in containers to bring along.

Pico de gallo (with and without onions), shredded cabbage, black beans, grilled salmon (and whatever sauce you like).



We brought a pan and our little butane stove to cook the corn tortillas there. This was nice because they have fire restrictions in our little mountain here, but no restrictions on stoves. And these taste so much better with nice hot tortillas.

They were delicious! Which is nice because I had quite the "authentic" crowd to please...

Not sure why I even try to cook Mexican food for my Mexican friends... seriously! They said that I passed though, which is nice! I'm trying to buy back my friends love {because she deleted me as her friend on facebook.... just kidding, not really. I think she will be my friend again now...}.

Entertainment for the kidlets was riding the big wheel down the hill...

And throwing rocks at cans...

Nothing like a refreshing night in the mountains with good friends and some yummy food.

Pincushion...

When I lived in Hawaii I worked for a lady named Denise. She was my adopted mom in my home away from home. When she heard that I had cancer she sent me a lovely care package full of wonderful Hawaiian goodies.... one being a little coconut shell pincushion. I love that she remembered that I love to sew.

I love this pincushion. I love that it had a hard bottom and will sit on my table without rolling away. I love that it reminds me of Hawaii. I love that it was a very simple gift from someone that I love.

However... Hawaiian print is not really my thing, unfortunately. So I gave it a little makeover one day. I actually bought a glue gun for the first time in my life to get the job done. That's right, I now own a glue gun... heaven help me!

Add a little linen and some lace...

I love it! Even though my husband says it looks "grandmaish" I don't really care. Wood + Linen + Lace... lovely.

I'm back...

I think that I'm ready to come back to the blogging world... after a nice break {ahem... timeout}.

You know, sometimes I think that adults need a timeout. Some good quality time, in the corner. Not doing anything but sitting and thinking about what they have been doing and how it affects themselves and those around them. Reflection time really.

That's what I've been doing for the past few months. Having a nice timeout where I could think about my life and the things in it. Things that I love and enjoy, and things that I don't.

After two incredibly difficult years I needed some time to give myself a break. To not try and put on a "mirage" that I was doing wonderful and jumping back into life like nothing had ever happened. The truth is that I was still trying to keep up some "appearance" that I could handle immense grief, and cancer, being a wife, a mom, working full time, and all the millions of little projects that I like to do and still have any smidgen of sanity left.

It wasn't true.

Truth is, now that the drama has settled a bit in my life... I've been pretty depressed about things. And trying to pretend like I was feeling great wasn't helping me out at all. And I didn't enjoy doing the things that I once liked to do {like crafting, and blogging, and anything else for that matter}... and I didn't like living that way.

So for the past few months I've been living my life just for me and my family. Doing the very basic things that I've needed to do for us to survive. And it's been nice to simplify, and work on a craft when I felt like it and not worry about having to blog about it ;). It's been nice to not have to account for my days, or weeks, with the number of blog posts I've been able to come up with. And it's been nice to put the computer away and focus on my relationship with my husband and son. It's been nice to remember what I like to do again in life besides breathe...

But as time has unraveled this web I've been trapped in... I've come to learn that I do miss blogging. Mainly because I miss connecting with my friends in this way. I miss my friends.

And yes, friends, I'm starting to feel much better now...

So for now, I'm back. But this blog is not just going to be my "crafting" blog. It's going to be my "Meg" blog - minus family stuff. If you are my friend and you want to know how my family is doing, please call me on the phone and talk to me. Because hearing a friends voice is so much better than anything you can ever read on a computer screen {something else I learned while in timeout}.

I don't promise to post anything interesting, or to post regularly, or to entertain anyone with my ideas and thoughts on here. This is merely an extension of myself, in whatever form it takes...

... and today I think I'm ready to come out of the corner.

Hiatus...

I'm going to take a hiatus from blogging for a while and am closing down my tree shop for now. I'm hoping to be back up around Christmas time for holiday orders. Have a great spring everyone!

Meg

One year old{er}...

Yesterday was a special day for me.

One year since my last chemotherapy treatment.

I honestly can't believe that it's been a whole year. It went by pretty fast, I've been a busy girl this year. Someone told me that it would take a whole year before I really started to feel good again and they were right! I'm finally starting to feel like myself again and less like a cancer patient. I'm so grateful that I had this year to heal and recover from chemo. I still have a lot of healing to do, but I am well on my way.

I've been taking pictures of myself every few months to document my recovery this year. So the final picture is now done. I'm so glad that I did this. Sometimes it's hard to see progress when you are looking for it everyday. But looking back now I see enormous progress every few months compared to the last. I'm so happy to be where I am today instead of where I was last year on April 1st.

Here's to health, more birthdays... and great bangs!!!

Easter tree...

We made a cute little Easter tree last week. I was super easy and inexpensive...

1- Go find some old dead branches somewhere and bring them home

2- Spray paint them white

3- Arrange in a vase

4- Hang cute egg ornaments from them

I got our ornaments from the dollar bin at Target. The sequin ones are my favorite.

Baby Steps - Habits...

I'm getting close to the one year mark of when I had my last chemo treatment in a few weeks here. I can hardly believe it's been almost a year. It's been a busy year so time has gone by pretty fast. I was thinking the other day about the changes I've tried to make in my life and what habits have stuck and what haven't over the past year.

Good new habits

 - My kitchen looks a lot different. I couldn't eat fresh fruits and veggies that I couldn't peel while on chemo, so now I have a whole lot more healthy stuff kicking around than I did before. My fruit bowl used to be this white one, but we had to upgrade to the wooden bowl, and we fill it and empty it every week between the 3 of us.

 - We've replaced white flour and white rice with whole wheat flour, wild rice and quinoa. We've been incorporating quinoa in a few meals a week and we are all loving it! I do keep a little white flour around to mix in with the wheat in stuff like pizza dough and cookies. Too much wheat makes stuff too heavy sometimes. We've always loved black beans and use a lot of black beans in our meals. But one change is we've started buying them dry instead of canned and we cook up a big batch on Sunday to use throughout the week. I like to cook them with cumin and chili powder, no salt, and they are super tasty.

 - I've stuck to my green drinks in the morning on most mornings. I'm not a real great breakfast eater and it makes me happy to get in a good portion of fruit and veggies first thing in the morning. I make one about 3-4 times a week.

Habits I'm still trying to kick

 - I love sweets. This one is so hard for me. I really do feel like I'm addicted to sugar and need to have it everyday. I'm still trying to figure out a good way to kick this one to the curb but I struggle with it.

 - If I don't plan ahead, then I don't eat very healthy. The days I pack my lunch for work I eat so much better than when I run out the door empty handed, and then I eat the unhealthy stuff that they have around work.

 - Chips... oh gosh. I love chips. And they are a really easy thing to eat at work. I'm trying hard to bring other snacks so that I'm not eating chips.

 - I'm getting more consistant with exercise, but I still have a long way to go. I've been working out about 2-3 times a week. I would really like to get it up to 5-6 times.